Bobbie Casalino-Lewis, Projector 4/6

AYD 34 | Projector 4/6

 

With so much chaos happening, people are becoming desperate looking forward to something. The true question remains to be, "how do you navigate through this chaos and not get thrown off by the news cycle?" Projector 4/6 personalities are opportunist role models who have the ability to show up powerfully and move lyrically through the rhythm of chaos. Bobbie Casalino-Lewis, a projector 4/6 type herself, is a Spiritual Intuitive Style Expert and Motivator whose work has helped clients renew relationships, expand confidence in new directions, and become client magnets. In today's episode, she joins Baeth Davis to share how she created a wondrous future by simply disengaging from unruly information. Listen in and learn more as Bobbie discusses how you can be in control of your life and become a master manifester.

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Watch the episode here

 

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Bobbie Casalino-Lewis, Projector 4/6

This is the show where I interview people who are living their purpose. They're aligned to their design and they're at that place in their life wherein sharing their gifts they're awakening to the magic available here on Mother Earth when you're connected to yourself, the Earth, and divinity. We are going to talk about three keys to navigate chaos and create your wondrous future because there is a lot of chaos going on now.

I'm a dancer, trained in the 5Rhythms method. If you don't know what it is, you can look it up. It was created by Gabrielle Roth. It deals with the five rhythms of the ocean. There are five rhythms. They go in a circle like a wave or spiral dynamics. There's the flow when the water comes in and then it gets a little choppy, that's staccato and then there’s chaos as the wave is cresting, lyrical dance back and then the pause known as stillness. You're pausing. You may not be totally still when you pause but that's the flow of life. There's a flow, turbulent water, chaos, dancing like a ballerina, and take a break. It starts all over again.

Chaos is right in the middle. It's the middle between the binary because there's always something between opposites. You have two opposites, flow and pause. They're right next to each other but they're apart because of this that connects them. You pause and then another flow starts. Do you see how that works? They're right next to each other but what happens in between is the rainbow of experience.

You're going to have staccato, conflict, arguments, and then chaos. You're going to hang on to chaos. Put your seatbelt on, ride the energy, spin with the music, don't resist it, flip that head, move that hair, move those arms, move that body, spin like a dervish. You're in your body from the chaos and then you can have ballerina hands, rounded elbows, and look good in your pointe shoes or fly through the air like Mikhail Baryshnikov, whatever you prefer. You then need to take a break to recover. It's called self-care. Take a nap. Get an Epsom salt bath. Go to get a massage. Drink some green juice. Take another nap. Make some money. Go paint a painting.

You've rested and then new flow, idea, conflict through the washing machine, spit out and now I can dance because lyrical is the hardest, it's mastery. Most people never get through the chaos, which is right now. What did they do? They die. They leave the planet. They get some stupid disease and they die. If that triggers you, good. It should. I've been subject to many stupid diseases because they come from the collective. They're total overlays of nonsense that hold us back from our purpose but if we don't know that we can't get through the chaos.

My guest and I are going to look at her process of moving through that rhythm of chaos because she's in lyrical. She lives in lyrical. I live in chaos. I spin but you have to be in control when you spin or you fall down or you bump into someone and break their jaw. It's controlled chaos. It's an art form. Movement requires practice.

The real movement through life and you want to flow? You need to know how to rest. Do you want lyrical? Do you want to be like my guest? Elegant in control in the right way and not trying to control other people. She's in control of her mastery. You have to know how to navigate the chaos and not get thrown off by the news cycle or the price of gas, it's more nonsense.

Honestly, unless you're going to go to the front lines of a battle, why are you indulging yourself in that information anyway? Help a family. Get involved with a charity. Do a fundraiser. Adopt an orphan. Do something that you can do that doesn't get you shot because there's no need for that. This is the time we're living in.

AYD 34 | Projector 4/6
Projector 4/6: Chaos lies right in the middle of binary because there's always something between opposites.

 

I'll tell you about our incredible guest and we're going to dive in. At the end of the interview, we are going to look at our guest's human design chart. Her chart is very special. You're going to see. She's very unique in many aspects of her design, statistically. She's a rare bird on the planet. There are a lot of generators like me. We're the most common type. There are 37% of us. I have emotional authority, which means I make decisions through the clarity of my feelings. My life journey as a lesson is emotional mastery. Bobbie didn't have that in her chart. Fifty percent of humanity are emotional types. Bobbie is not an emotional type. She's a mental type who reshapes environments to create more beauty, life and lyricism. That's how I see her. She brings out the elegance, beauty, and power that beauty elicits. Beauty and truth are the highest frequencies.

When we start judging somebody's Maybach vehicle or their Prada shoes as superficial, you're missing the point. There's such a high vibration in quality goods. If the quality goods are made by slaves, they're not high vibration. If the quality goods are being acquired by people who are impressed by labels and want to show off to their friends, that's not the deepest motive. I don't have a problem with it though. I don't care if you do that. Go ahead and show it off and be proud of yourself. They'll be jealous. I suggest be careful with that but nevertheless, do what you feel.

We're going to look at two rhythms out of the five rhythms. We're going to look at the chaos and how to navigate it because we get 100 years of these, folks. We're not even into it yet. In 2027, it kicks in hard in a good way. There's so much goodness and abundance for the people who are ready for it. What my guest and I are going to get into is how do you navigate the swirling, toppling waves and then move into a lyrical, elegant, graceful way of being and knowing I can navigate whatever life throws at me. I can ride those waves. I am a master surfer of life. Once you learn how to be a master surfer, you become a master manifester.

Our guest is Bobbie Casalino-Lewis. She is a Spiritual Intuitive Style Expert and Motivator who is hired by confident leaders who need to show up powerfully in the world. Her work has helped clients renew relationships, expand confidence in new directions and become client magnets. This is totally true. If you've seen any of my photos where I look like myself, she had a huge part in what I'm wearing. She's a prolific columnist, author of a soon-to-be-released book So That's What 70 Looks Like: The Essence of Aging Gracefully. She's going to show you grace and lyricism.

She is a sought-after podcast guest, TEDx speaker and stylist. She's the go-to stylist for Keri Murphy's IT Factor. Check out Bobbie Casalino-Lewis and Keri Murphy. Keri Murphy is a beloved mutual friend of ours as well. We do business with Keri. She's an Earth angel like Bobbie. The Earth angels are getting together to bring some angelic, loving, and healing to the planet. That's what we're here to do.

Bobbie is also a community leader and a Boomer bridging the gap with Millennials. We love Millennials. We're going to talk about Millennials and why we love them because they get a lot of stuff thrown at them that isn't fair. She is fun, chic and smart in equal measure and so are you and so can you be. With that, let's bring the inevitable, the gorgeous, the never stopping to amaze me with her creativity, Bobbie Casalino-Lewis. Welcome to the show. I am so excited to have her on the show. Tell me what are you feeling now after hearing you be reflected to you.

I'm so appreciative.

It's always a pleasure to interact with you. Let's dive right into our topic. I want to reverse engineer this. We want to live in grace. We want joy, ease, lyricism and beauty but we got to deal with all the rhythms. When you say, "Create your wondrous future," let's start with the vision. What to you is the wondrous future? Let's talk about the future first because that's where we're going and that creates the carrot of what's possible then look at three ways to navigate the crisis because there are so much chaos and crisis right now. People are needing something to look forward to. They need that. They need a vision. Tell us what you think.

This is such a hot topic for me. I live and breathe it all day long lately. I look at all the situations in the world, the local dramas and stuff and I'm like, "This is such a stupid waste of time." It's boring. It's like the same bullies on the same playground for centuries.

[bctt tweet="Unless you're going to go to the front lines of a battle, you shouldn’t be indulging yourself in chaotic information." via="no"]

We haven't learned anything like when they hit the girl in fourth grade, that's when you stop them. Not when they're leading millions of people to their doom. It's absurd. We put them in power instead of saying, "You need to go to a special home for mentally disturbed people. I'm sorry but that's where you're going. Hopefully, they can help you." That's the truth. We literally let psychotic and psychopathic people lead us.

I know, because the drum I've been banging a lot lately looking back over history and my own DNA lineage. I'm a Holocaust survivor, my very close family. I've always felt that. I look at the Holocaust and different times in history. Everybody says to me, "How do you come up with your ideas and things?” I said, "I follow the money." If you follow the money, you'll find the impetus. I go back to Moses and the Atlanteans, anywhere you want to go in the mildly or unconsciously recorded history, there are always more oppressed than oppressors. Climb out of the mud pits. Pick up your stones and take back your power.

This is my prediction. The Russians are also on Ukraine's side because of what's going through their head like any woman in an abusive relationship or about to be in one, "If he treats her like that, what's he going to do to me, his home country?” Everybody's worst to the people close to them than strangers. The Russians feel like he's not going to stop until he burns everything down because he's psychopathic. He's a scorched Earth, no empathy, brain-damaged individual who will stop at nothing. People cannot underestimate this guy. He will stop at nothing unless millions of people rise up and go, “No.”

When you're talking about energy, he incarnated at 550, which is high. He's now down to 100. He's a fallen angel. He has no place to go. His henchmen all registered 20 and below. They need to be eliminated. I'm sorry.

We all know that. They're totally infected. They're not even human at this point.

Zelenskyy is the David.

He's fighting Goliath.

He will be successful.

AYD 34 | Projector 4/6
Projector 4/6: The biggest bravery of all is listening and finding yourself, doing the inward journey.

 

He will because we're on his side. We're on the side of the individual who has a voice that's 5D. 5D is you're willing to risk death to speak your truth. Do you want to go 5D everyone and manifest in the 3D, the world of things? Do you think he can be an instant manifester? Stop lying to yourself. That's where you start. We've talked a lot about what's going on now, which is chaos. What do you see in this wondrous future? Let's paint that picture and then look at how to navigate it. We've established the chaos. What is the wondrous future according to you?

The wondrous future according to me is the same way I navigate the chaos. For me, the wondrous future is a triangle. Triangles are the strongest. No matter how you push, they're the strongest structure. My personal triangle evolved for me after the intervention that four of you helped me with early in March of 2020 when I saw people banging on my door to give me shots. I reached out to you guys and I said, "You have to help me. I see this way too clearly," and I needed a witness.

What I came up with out of that and I'm sure with all of your input and you, Joanne, Bamboo, Michelle, was I came up with the three pillars of my triangle that will help me keep life clean and simple for me and show me my right from my wrong, my in from my out. It's very simple. It's three words, kindness, bravery, and integrity. With those, it makes everything incredibly clear as to what is discard eligible.

Do I have control over it? Is it truthful? Do I stay in my integrity if I participate or I don't participate? Have that conversation, say that, be with that person, go someplace or join an organization, does it feel like it's integrity for me? I take silence because silence is very powerful. I take my time. I pause for as long as I need to, to be sure that it's inside my triangle. I will not tolerate people who are unkind and will not tolerate it. If you want my respect, you better be brave. That's the future. I see a world where people are kind, brave, and living in their integrity with purpose. That's what integrity is, you know your purpose and stay true to it.

It's very possible. There are so many people that are close to understanding. Some people are wanting to understand. It's going to take a little bit more time if they stay with it and they align themselves with the right people, thoughts, and behaviors. I haven't done much more research. I don't know what the percentages are of people that are going to rise up and people that are going to ascend and all that stuff because I don't have any control over that. I only know that I am only putting goodness out into the world.

That's my goal too. It's so funny, have you been watching my classes? I feel like we're on the same mind-meld. I've been making this shape. I'm like, "Upper triangle, lower triangle," for two weeks. I was raised Catholic and Protestant but Christian basically. The upper triangle is Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, which scientifically the Sun is the star. The Father is infinite time and space. The Holy Ghost is all the other dimensions before the 3D. Up to the 11D, matter can still do things. Consciousness can exist without a body, good, bad, and ugly as we know.

We're very enamored of the 3D and then we deny what God is, which I find fascinating. I'm like, "That's God but you don't believe in this God." All of that gets stripped out of our culture. The lower triangle I describe as The Mother, The Daughter, and The High Priestess. You have Father God, trinity, qualities, kindness, integrity, and bravery. You can apply that to the whole thing. Kindness is a consciousness that wants to evolve. The integrity is manifesting through you. The bravery is pulling the energy up from Mother Earth. The kindness is coming from divine love. The bravery is coming from the Earth and then the integrity is you. It's you in the middle of honoring you.

You can play with that. I've been doing a lot of spiritual retreats. I don't know if you've read someone by the name of Caroline Myss.

[bctt tweet="There's so much goodness and abundance coming for people who are ready for it." via="no"]

I'm here because of Caroline Myss. If one day she'll let me kiss her boot, I will kiss her boot. I read her book, Why People Don't Heal and How They Can, Sacred Contracts, and all her amazing books. I read in my twenties and I went, "Symbolic sight." It changed everything. I then found hand analysis and my purpose all because of her. Tell me your experience with Caroline Myss.

Have you ever listened to any of her lectures?

I've been following her since I was 25.

It's new for me.

She'll kick your ass right into the truth.

I really thank Cathy Alessandra. She's brought me on a spiritual journey. Once I get onto something then things come to me. Now, we're exploring Mary Magdalene, who was one of the original disciples and the most trusted of all confidence. Six gospels of hers were removed. Imagine those nasty boys back then. My dear friend, HighChi, Deborah Stuart, I'm wearing some of her stuff.

Everyone, check out HighChi Jewelry. It's freaking gorgeous.

Deborah and I do a lot together. I adore her from the first minute I laid eyes on her.

AYD 34 | Projector 4/6
Projector 4/6: You become so close to finding your purpose when you align yourself with the right people, thoughts, and behaviors.

 

She's an angel.

Now, I commanded her to make a Mary Magdalene art and all of the fairies. Those are my two shoutouts because it's all linked together.

What did you learn from Caroline Myss? What stands out?

It's a different type of bravery is probably my first takeaway.

What is that to you? What does that mean?

The biggest bravery of all is listening and finding yourself, doing the inward journey. To understand and accept how blooming and powerful we are and how capable of living that future with kindness, integrity and bravery. Bring others along with us. Enter the castle because I've been mesmerized for many years and read and saw as much as I could about English history. The Mary, Queen of Scots and Elizabeth. When I was sick, I went through the entire series and kept it playing. I don't watch television but my son showed me how to put Netflix on my iPad. I laid in bed and kept pressing the next episode of Reign.

I'll watch it. It sounds great. I saw the ads. I haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll check that out.

That one was amazing. That was after about a few years ago someone suggested and I went and did the same thing, watch the women and how all of this starts. Where I was going was, you were talking about the Trinity, divinity and all that stuff. These two series and then Carolyn Myss explained how it started. The conditioning, maneuvers, corruption, and racketeering that took place way back then is what is going on because we don't learn but it's coming to an end.

[bctt tweet="Kindness is consciousness that wants to evolve." via="no"]

We're learning the hard way which is watching the transit destroy what doesn't fit anymore. People aren't in charge of this. People think we're in charge which is ludicrous. One thing that you're in charge of is your own decision-making, that's it. When you were a little girl, what was your relationship to clothes? You're an amazing stylist. You've made me look gorgeous. I even said I dress casually for this because I knew you would be shining. I was like, "I want to be neutral because Bobbie's going to be radiant." What was it like when you were a little girl when you encountered fashion?

I like to say that it was in the fabric of my life.

Please explain the purpose.

My Uncle Jack, who survived the Holocaust with numbers on his arm. My family from my father's side comes from Białystok. They called it White Russia because, on any given day of the week, it was either Poland or Russia. My Uncle Jack had a coat factory. When he came to the United States through Ellis Island as did my grandmother, my father's mother and the rest of the aunts and uncles, they came through very traumatically as young children as their heads were shaved. They settled in Paterson, New Jersey, which by the way was the silk capital of the United States.

There were silk factories along the Paterson River. I grew up in Fair Lawn which was the next town over. My grandfather is not related other than through marriage. My father's father was a Patersonian and my father was a Patersonian. My mother came from Clifton and Passaic County. I grew up in Bergen County.

I remember clearly my uncle providing me with snow jackets because we had snow jackets. His former wife Sonya was a beautiful woman. She taught me how to hand stitch things. I'm the oldest of four children. It was before most of the rest of them came along. We had those little braided rugs. A couple of the women neighbors were sitting at the dining room table and I was giving a spin in my brand new beautiful tweeted snow jacket. This was probably 1955. I was five years old. It was something out of a 1940s movie, fitted a little bit but it had pink leather on the flaps of the pockets.

I came in and did a spin on one of the rugs, went down on my chin, cracking my chin open for the first time. There were two times after that I cracked my chin. You could not hold me down to give me stitches. It wasn't happening. From a very young age, I had a real affinity for quality and what felt good and looked good.

I was a dancer. My grandmother now my Uncle Jack's sister was an alterationist. She was the head alterationist in a store in Paterson, New Jersey when Patterson was the it place called The Mart. She made all of my costumes. All my costumes were handmade beautifully. I had those to dance on stage in. Fast forward a little bit, I'm not much older. I wanted to start sewing. My mother had a Singer sewing machine. She didn't use it but I couldn't use it.

AYD 34 | Projector 4/6
Projector 4/6: The actual story of your life does far more in enrolling people in the consciousness of what you’re trying to create rather than having them read your bio.

 

My father came up with a treadle sewing machine for me. No electricity, in a beautiful wooden swing away door to bring the whole thing up. I started making little dirndl skirts, where you pull the waistline, for myself and my sister in the basement of our home in Fair Lawn on a treadle sewing machine. It evolved. I made suits and my own clothes because we were hand-me-down kids. We didn't have a lot of money. There's probably a reason why my mother didn't care about dressing. We'd get some nice hand-me-downs because we had some wealthy cousins. My next-door neighbors were two girls. Their family was wealthy too so I'd get stuff from them.

I used to salivate and wait like, "What am I going to get from them this time?" It was probably elementary school when we had a wonderful woman named Beatrice Coleman who was a shared cleaning lady and babysitter between myself and my dear friend, Harvey who lived across the street. Bea, on Saturday nights when she'd babysit for us, taught me how to iron.

It’s one of the things I hate doing.

I would iron pillowcases and my clothes. I'd use spray starch on the shirts because we were still wearing button-down shirts and that stuff. I would iron everything and arrange my outfits for the entire week of school to come into the closet. It seems to have always been a natural-born instinct for me. My parents were in the auction business. There's a lot of stuff in our house all the time. It grew for them into full-on hoarding. They’ll bring a load of jewelry and they've put it on the table. They call me Barbara. They'd say, "Let Barbara look through it," because somehow or other, I could find the platinum.

It's because it has a frequency. You can feel and see it.

It seemed to keep evolving. I can find things on sale and I could find new stores. I sniff them out. When Bolton's first started, it was a designer sample store and then it grew into something else but somehow or other, I was in the second week they were open. That kind of stuff still continues to this day. When I go through people's closets, I find the gems there too even if we're on Zoom to somebody in Australia.

To me, people's actual story of their life does far more to enroll people in the consciousness of what you're trying to create than me reading your bio or going over your program. Everyone reading this can read energy. It's the energy you bring in. You get that angel over you. I'm going to bring up your chart.

I want to talk about something in your chart called the Incarnation Cross. You are the right-angle cross of explanation, which you demonstrated. I can ask you any question and you can pull out a story from either your experience, a made-up story, a client story or whatever. You've got the stories. You've got this incredible channel here connecting, the head crown down to the neocortex so it's connected.

[bctt tweet="Learn from the past and bring that information forward into the future." via="no"]

Your neocortex is connected right down to your throat through the genius channel. As I was listening to you, I was like, "She must have the genius channel,” which you do right over here and her design earth. The same place, I have it. We both have it, just different lines. I'm line one, research and solitude. You're line six.

The genius channel is 43-23. You got 43 in designer, 23 in design sun and then personality is Gate 4 and personality earth is Gate 49. The personality, sun and earth and the design sun and earth, that's what makes up someone's incarnation cross. The first number to the left of the decimals, the gate, the number after is the line. Your profile is a 4, 4-6. You're right-angle cross of explanation 4-49-23-43.

The 4-49 are what you give to the other. What gate 4 line 4 says is, "Let's build a community where we're willing to be fools and go in a new direction," because this is the energy of abstraction. It's like learning from the past to bring that information forward into the future. When you tell stories especially about the past, it's very relevant to now. That's the first piece.

The 49-4 is you need to make sure that everyone in the community has what they need especially food because that stops a violent revolution. Gate 49 is the gate of revolution. This is no joke. These energies in our charts are real. Now, you're seeing it in the world. Your deepest healing transformation for you is creating a community to prevent bloody revolution.

Fundraising because the four energy is charity. Being involved with charities that help refugees, it's a good use of your energy. It bumps your career and exposure even higher when you're in a charity helping role. You're all here for charity and philanthropy. It's not about money for you. You make money but it's like all the money comes the bigger your mission.

On the design side, you got 23-43. It's the genius channel. What keeps you healthy is explaining things from a line 6 systems approach. It's up on the roof. You're up on the mount and you're sharing how the system works. It's the frequency of light. You're showing people, "Look at the light over your head." Shining the light on the situation, explaining what it is so we can navigate the chaos. Navigate it with kindness, bravery, and integrity. The Trinity, that triangle.

You're here to explain what that means. Your whole chart is about different ways to explain things. Sometimes it's a story, structural, how-to, or deep research. You're a good researcher. There’s a lot of research in this chart, a good leader. Essentially, you're here to be famous for helping people live the abundance of their own spirit and show up, dressed, feeling and speaking as their true selves. That's what I see about your life purpose.

No more argument.

It's your design. You picked it. I'm just reading it.

Remember when we first met and I didn't know very much about this that I said, "As a child when I saw the movie that Hayley Mills was in Pollyanna and she was helping the older man see things in a different light by the crystal hanging in the window that I knew that I wanted to walk through my life being Pollyanna."

That's who you are. You're helping people get their needs met. Florence Nightingale in Prada shoes. Everyone, thank you so much. This has been another amazing episode. We'll have Bobbie back. Thank you all so much. Tune in next time.

 

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About Bobbie Casalino-Lewis

AYD 34 | Projector 4/6Being Fashionably Wealthy means you are rich in style. Fashion is what you wear style is how you wear it.

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Dr. Stephen Bizal, Generator 1/4

 

Healing is always easier said than done. For most people, it takes a lot of work, discipline, and self-awareness to be able to move past their emotional and generational traumas in life. Dr. Stephen Bizal joins Baeth Davis to share his own healing experience; how he let go of the things that weighed him down and how he cut ties with the misery that he’s been creating all his life. When Dr. Stephen decided to have a deep conversation with the universe, he realized that the only person who should be held accountable for his actions is himself. He graces us with his presence today to share how his book, The Optimal Life: Empowering Health, Healing & Longevity, contains the answers to how you can redirect your journey and embrace an optimal life. Tune in as Baeth looks into Dr. Stephen’s ¼ generator human design and sees just how his personality allows him to embrace and instill change in others.

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Watch the episode here

 

Listen to the podcast here

 

Dr. Stephen Bizal, Generator 1/4

How are you? What an auspicious day. It's the New Moon in Pisces. The world needs some Pisces, the gentle emotional fish, to temper down the flames of insanity. It's a very powerful time. I am committed, especially with what's going on, to helping you address your fears, combat your anxiety, and dig deep into your power so that you're not being knocked around by the news cycle. You’re not being flummoxed by every shift and move externally, and you are centered in yourself. You're rooted like a tree. Some of you are oak trees and some of you are willow trees. The important thing is to get those roots down in the ground and let those branches sway in the breeze.

In this show, I interview people that I feel are deeply in their bodies, deeply in their purpose, and deeply of service to humanity. Our guest is an extraordinary man who helps people do the necessary emotional healing. That's going to be our subject. It's the necessity for emotional healing. I can testify in my life, the most important thing I have done is to get in touch with my feelings, feel my feelings, validate my feelings, and then learn emotional mastery. In the tarot deck, this would be the Strength card. It's the pretty goddess holding open the mouth of the lion. There are other versions of this card.

Emotional mastery is the name of the game. I am a Leo in astrology. When we get further into the interview and we look at our guest's chart, astrology factors in. I keep a little lion on my desk to remind me of my birthright. The Strength card in the tarot is the sign of Leo. One of my goals in life is emotional mastery. I've been on a mission for the past couple of years to surround myself with experts who are living emotional mastery and teaching it to others. With that, let's talk about the necessity for emotional healing, and I'm going to introduce our guest.

Our guest is Dr. Stephen Bizal. He is the author of the critically-acclaimed book, The Optimal Life, Empowering Health, Healing & Longevity. He's an innovator in the field of healing, human potential, and human performance. He founded the first executive health and fitness coaching company, Personalized Health and Fitness Inc., in Southern California in 1981 after he helped a friend lose 100 pounds in one year. The Optimal Life EmPOWERment program, Wellness/Lifestyle Medicine and Healthy Aging was the first wellness course approved for continuing education in California for both medical and chiropractic health professionals.

His book, The Optimal Life was also an online course approved for continuing education for psychologists, LMFTs, registered nurses, and social workers in California, Texas, Ohio and Florida. He founded WellnessCoachingInstitute.com in 2009, the first university-approved wellness certification program in the US for health, insurance, and human resource professionals. He is a thought-provoking and always entertaining gentleman. He's America's wellness go-to guy. He's going to inspire you to take charge of your life by helping you connect the dots to create optimal health and the optimal life.

He was a former consultant to the largest integrative medicine treatment center in North America, the second-largest hospital chain in America, and a dot-com company that served big pharma. He has an insider's understanding of both the conventional and alternative medicine models, the challenges that each one faces, and why the consumer is the one that is at risk in this healthcare environment. With that, let's bring on our tremendous guest, Dr. Stephen. I'm so happy to have you on the show. What a treat. How are you?

Thank you for that wonderful introduction. I sounded absolutely wonderful.

You are. It's so interesting about bios. I'm a very animated person. I love celebrating people. When I get to read someone's bio, the receiver or the person whose bio it is gets to hear what they have accomplished. You've accomplished a lot of impressive and useful transformations in our world. I have a question for you about that and about your bio. What is it that drives you emotionally to be of such service to humanity and be such a balanced voice for what works and what doesn't? What is it that drives you?

A good way to put it into context for you and your audience was that as a younger man, I was an achievaholic. I did a lot of stuff. What that looks like in our culture is making money and being successful, whether it was athletics or business. When I was twenty years old, I thought by the time I would be 25, I would have the world by the balls. At 25, I thought I would have it by 30. At 30, by 35. At 40, I was the only one with my testicles in a vice grip.

What that looked like was no matter how successful I was, and no matter how many toys I bought, adventurous vacations, motorcycles, boats, and jumping out of airplanes. You name it and I've probably done it. I finally got to a point where I couldn't distract myself from the underlying pain and the real issue. How it came up was that I had a chiropractic practice at the time. I didn't feel connected to people at all. I didn't feel connected to my patients at a personal level.

No matter how much I achieved, there was never a sense of fulfillment. No matter what you achieved, it was like, "You notch that one off. What's next?" The way I describe it is I finally hit the wall and got to the point looking at everything that I was doing and realizing that if I continue to do at age 40 what I was doing at age 25, 30 and 35, it's that old adage of doing the same thing again and again, and expecting a different outcome. What that looked like for me and how I described it was I got to a point where I couldn't do it anymore.

I realized everything that I was doing up until that point and how I was approaching it wasn't working. For whatever reason, I had an intuitive sense that I wasn't placed on this Earth to be miserable. Whether you call it the universe or God, I don't think God put me here to be miserable. If I was miserable, it was my own doing. Inherent in that then is understanding the power that if you created, you also have the power to recreate anything and everything in your life that wasn't working for you.

I had several realizations along with it that came. I say revelations but these are just thoughts that came to me because I've always been on a mission to understand why and what's the truth about whatever it is that's going on. It's starting from that place of having a genuine desire to understand what's the truth about what was going on. A couple of these realizations were number one, I was 100% accountable and responsible for everything I was experiencing in my life.

You can’t do the same thing again and again and expect a different outcome.

I was contributing to all the misery in some way. If I could figure that out and knew what that was, then I could turn it around for myself. I knew that part of the equation of being able to do that meant that I would have to step into a paradigm in my life where I was going to be 100% responsible and accountable for all my thoughts, feelings, actions and words. That had to be an integral part of the journey moving forward from that point. I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do that no matter what without reservation.

Along with that, what I ended up doing was I had a conversation with the universe. Everything I was experiencing in my life, I was contributing to the creation of it in some way. What that meant was I automatically had the power to recreate that. Based upon that willingness and desire to step up to the plate, I invited the universe. The conversation I had was, "What is it that I need to know and understand to be able to turn my life around?" It's the very first question I asked myself. I call it, "Hit the wall."

It was my come-to-Jesus meeting about what was and wasn't working in my life. I asked myself, "Steve, you've accomplished a lot of stuff but what do you really want?" It came to me instantaneously. I didn't even have to think about it. All I wanted to be was at peace with myself and my heart in every situation with everybody at all times. That became the directional guiding light. Everything that I was going to do was going to be trying to find out what's the truth as it relates to me and how I was creating all the misery in my life.

How did that come about? What was that all about? What did I need to know about myself to turn that around? What are those dark sides of myself that I had to come to the realization of? What I found was moving forward with that level of intention and purity of intention, because I invited the universe to bring it on. I said, "There's the good, the bad and the ugly. I'll deal with it." At that point in my life, what I ended up doing was I realized that my plan A in life from age 20 to 40 didn't work. You're talking to Mr. Macho, Mr. Successful, Dr. Perfect and Mr. Control Freak. That's the persona.

The culture feeds that.

That was overcompensation for the underlying pain and the unresolved emotional business from the past. It's amazing because if you have obsessive-compulsive behavior and it looks like alcohol or drugs, it's not acceptable in this society, but if you're an achievaholic, they root you on.

They root that addiction to your detriment.

From an athletic standpoint, one of the ways I was an achievaholic early on was I was a gymnast at Penn State. I was a walk-on on the gym floor. I had a very good and accomplished career as a late bloomer. What most people don't realize about that was I was pushing myself as hard as I did to try to prove as valuable as I was to try to fill that emptiness and gap of not feeling loved and valuable. I pushed myself to the point where I ended up on crutches eighteen times. I've had two knee surgeries. I ruptured both Achilles once at the same time. What was that all about? I was pushing myself so hard that I broke myself. You wouldn't necessarily think, "What's that all about?" I know now what that drive was all about.

What was it about?

It was a self-worth issue. The reason why we're on planet Earth is that we need to work on our shit. If we didn't need to, we wouldn't be here.

We don't need a body unless we have shit to work on.

We choose our parents. The reason why our parents are on Earth is for the same reasons for themselves. The way I explain it to people is most of our parents never went to God's school and this is how you raise kids. There's the emotional healing thing that you were talking about. What most people don't realize is as adults, we think we're making decisions, guiding our life and doing things based upon making rational decisions in our conscious mind. Ninety percent of what influences your decision-making comes from the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind is all the perceptions and the misperceptions that we created. Coming out of the womb, the only way we related to the world was at a feeling level. It either felt good or it didn't feel good. If it didn't feel good, we ended up when our beta brain starts to kick in. We're in the alpha state initially. We were only relating to the world at a feeling level. Anybody who has kids knows this. You can take an infant and they will be screaming one minute and then laughing the next minute. They will flip back into screaming again because they don't have any of those gray matter filters that we have accumulated over time.

AYD 31 Stephen | Healing Experience
The Optimal Life: Empowering Health, Healing &

It goes back further than that. Every cell in your body has cellular memory while you were in the womb. What most people don't understand about where all this started was from the moment of conception, when 2 cells came together, 2 became 4, and 4 became 8 through the entire embryological development. The fetus is exposed to the energy matrix of whatever the mother is going through. That means 24/7 for that entire gestation period of nine months, there's the anger, fear, guilt and shame. It's the epigenetic concept. Every cell in physiological development is exposed to that energy matrix. It's evolving within that energy matrix.

If that energy matrix looks like anger, fear, guilt and shame, that's restrictive on a cell's ability to reach its optimal potential. That's every cell in your body. You even come out of the womb with that backdrop. Every cell in your body has that emotional experiential reality that ends up being cellular memory. What the research has shown is that goes back multiple generations. It isn't even just in the current one. You come out of the womb with already a sense of whether the world feels good or not. Our parents never went to God's school and this is how you raise children. They did their best.

Some of them didn't do a very good job. Some of them did better than others. We all start as victims. I'm going back to a concept that you were talking about. What does being a victim mean? It means inherently, you've given up your power because you never realized you've had any power. The perceptions that you create about yourself and the world around you when you're 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7 years old are all misperceptions. You don't have the intellectual capacity, as you and I are talking and explaining about this as adults, to understand the truth about what's going on.

It's all felt at the subconscious level. In a way, we're not at conscious choice. We're simply being imprinted constantly by the amniotic fluid, everything in it, and the emotional vibrations of the mother, which are energetic forms like radio waves passing through our developing self. We come into the world into another energetic.

To even go back, it isn't just the mother. It's the relationship between the mother and the father.

It's her experience of that.

Also the energy of that. That even sets the stage for what kind of relationship you're going to attract into your life.

Why did I keep living my parents' marriage over and over? I've finally cracked the code but it took time. I watched it play out. I'm like, "Why am I trying to live my mother's life? This is weird. I got to get some help."

They don't realize it.

They don't until they do.

It's because of the perceptions that you create about yourself and the world around you. Believe it or not, when you're little and when you're 5 to 12 and into your teenage years, none of it is accurate. The biggest misperception is based upon what doesn't feel good in the world. It’s human nature. We have a tendency to take on that, "There's something wrong with me. I don't fit. I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable." It's all misperception. Now, you're in a place where you don't have an accurate perception of yourself. You're now trying to create something of value. There's a metaphysical concept that two things with different energy cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

It's the Law of Mirroring. You're always going to get what you're giving. It always is a match.

This is all happening at a subconscious level. You don't even realize that you're creating the dynamic that's attracting the negative stuff into your life based upon your perceptions and belief systems, the words that you say and the energy that you come from. Our parents have children. The kind of conversation we're having now, most people never have with their kids. Our children will never hear this. They don't understand that the child is not the problem.

You have the power to recreate anything and everything in your life that isn't working for you.

The way people talk to their children is horrifying to me. They treat their dogs better than they treat their children. These are tiny, innocent, vulnerable and soft-skinned body beings. Parents are yelling at them, smacking them around, and feeding their brains all this toxic garbage. It's not the parents' fault because it got fed to them. If they don't transform it, they just pass along the gift.

Everybody is doing the best they can, even the ones that are being horrendous and the psychopaths.

They just think that's how it is so that's how they roll.

It gives you insight into what their life must have been like growing up. I wouldn't call myself a biblical scholar but the sins of the father are passed down upon the son. The metaphysical manifestation of that is the pain of the parents is passed down upon the children. The beautiful thing about being born human is that you came into the world alone and you're going to leave the world alone. The implication there is that you have the potential to be whole. You're all about helping people find their purpose. Your first purpose should be to heal because everything is a springboard from wherever you're at in your life. If you're not healed, it's not possible to reach your optimal human potential.

You will burn out, get sick or die.

Those are all symptoms.

A friend wrote to me and said a close friend of hers but an acquaintance of mine is in the hospital in the end stages of terminal cancer that has riddled her body. I took a moment to tune into the woman's energy because I had met her a few years ago. I wrote to my friend on Facebook Messenger and said, "Did she do any emotional clearing? Did you talk to her about the remedies that I mentioned to you because there's no need to die of cancer?" She told me, "Baeth, I pointed out the emotional wounds to my friend and gave her the remedies. She declined."

I'm like, "She's either dead or she will be in a few days." It's the healing of what you are describing from the wound back. I've done a lot of ancestral clearing, past life clearing, birth trauma healing, theta healing, emotion code clearing, acupuncture, ecstatic dance and tantric. You name it, I've done it. For years, I've been healing. I feel like I've turned a corner and shed a lot of layers. There's always more to learn and heal. What you're saying is very true.

If we don't heal profoundly, we're putting the cart before the horse, as the saying goes. We’re going to run right into that cart. We're the horse and we're going to smash that cart hard. It's going to be a terminal illness, a virulent addiction or an abusive relationship. You're going to do a Tiger Woods and completely implode your career. It's all of these things we see in the media with celebrities who hit the wall. Kanye West was on display having a complete mental breakdown. He's clearly got mental issues. I pray for these people. I feel for them.

It's time to shut your mouth, go into the cave and do some healing. Each of us must come to this choice on our own. You can't force the horse to drink the water. I know how I could have helped her heal from her cancer but she was going to have to face things and feel things that she felt were scarier and more disturbing than death. That's what people are up against. They think feelings will kill them. I always say, "Not feeling your feelings will kill you. You will die before your time."

One of the things that were not in the profile was the fact that I and a group of folks ran a holistic center out in Missouri. We had a 900-acre ranch in the Southwest corner of Missouri that was a healing center. It was run by a community of folks that understood what healing was all about. It's the kind of healing we're talking about here. In contrast to a spa or a retreat, this was a bootcamp of, "Let's turn your life around." The father head figure in this was a gentleman by the name of Dr. Stephen Szára. He was a prominent psychiatrist. He has since passed. He had practices in Boston and New York.

He left the healthcare delivery system and psychiatry because he saw the fallacy of how we were treating the underlying emotional issues as mental diseases and mental problems and using drugs. He had an intimate understanding of the human condition. There were two reasons that people came to our center. We did no advertising but they came to the center because the number one reason was relationships were falling apart, whether it was with your parents, brothers, sisters, wife or kids. People would end up on our doorsteps when their lives and relationships were falling apart and they had health issues. What a coincidence. Like Humpty Dumpty, we helped put them back together again.

I say that all the time. I'm Humpty Dumpty and I patch myself back together again. That's the best we can do. We can stitch ourselves up.

AYD 31 Stephen | Healing Experience
Healing Experience: The reason why you're on planet earth is because you need to work on your shit. If you didn’t need to, you wouldn't be here.

 

Here's what was interesting. We had a lot of people that would come to us for those reasons. We did a lot of physical detoxes, lifestyle change and intervention stuff. There were plant-based diets. It's 90% raw, three juices a day and colonic. We cleaned out every orifice.

Get the shit and all the toxin out.

Every day we had groups. The group was an opportunity for people to share about stuff, and for the wiser and more loving and nurturing seniors in the group to be able to give their input to help people connect the dots in their life. Here's what we found. People would come in and everybody was on the same nutritional regimen. No matter what your health problem was, you got positive results to a certain point and then you hit a plateau. This was a very common denominator.

If you were willing to entertain that there was another dimension of your life or the emotional stuff that needed to be identified and addressed if you were open to allowing us to help you connect the dots and guide the process for yourself, whatever the implementations look like, and that you needed to do for yourself to bring closure to that stuff from the past, and you were willing to go there, have the courage and the desire, and started to go there, you would find that you would continue to make progress.

When you hit the plateau, we suggest, "There's a whole another thing to look at." You go, "I'm good. I did this." They wouldn't improve. They would run off to the Oklahoma Indian sweat lodges, and then they go to this resort and this retreat. Every disease process has its origin, not just a connection, and unresolved emotional pain in a person's life. The stuff that we're talking about at a very practical level is what I'm about when I say I help people connect the dots.

People ask me, "What's your purpose?" My first purpose was to do whatever the healing journey looked like that I needed to do. I didn't have a plan. Going back to when I said I hit the wall at age 40 and I didn't have a plan, I realized, "I can't do plan A anymore." My plan B was, "I can't do plan A anymore." I cut myself loose from everything. I sold my practice and my home. I disengaged from the most painful relationship with a woman that I had. Everyone got worse. None of them got better.

They will get worse pain-wise until you face the music.

That's because nobody ever stays constant going through life. If you're working on yourself, you will go up. If you’re not working on yourself, you don't stay here. You continue to go down. Realizing I couldn't do plan A anymore, I cut myself loose. I took the road less traveled and disengaged from everything to free myself up purely from the standpoint of being able to invite the universe to bring it on. I was fortunate because I was single at the time.

I wasn't raising any children. The money didn't mean anything anymore. It was inviting the universe to bring it on and then disengaging or separating myself from all the caca I had created under the old paradigm. It allowed me to be in an open space for whatever needed to come in to help me and the gray matter between my ears redirect my life and start addressing issues, which started with healing with family, mom and dad.

If someone comes to you, how do you work with someone? Do you work one-to-one or in a group? Do you do a combination? Do you even work with private clients anymore? How does that work in your life now?

The reason why we're on this interview is I'm launching my second book through the Itty Bitty process. It's shameless self-promotion.

It's The Optimal Life. Go get a copy. We love Suzy Prudden. Shout-out to Suzy Prudden and Itty Bitty Publishing. If any of you need to get started and you want to write a short book that packs a wallop, talk to Itty Bitty Publishing.

What that looks like for me was I played clinical doctor for a bunch of years. I have a freestyle lifestyle and I found the clinic environment very confining. It didn't match. I'm a half-outdoor dog, half-hotdog.

You're always going to get what you're giving.

What does that mean?

For the outdoor dog, I'm an adventurous guy.

What's the hotdog?

The hotdog is I like to be up on stage preaching the gospel of wellness.

It's a dog and pony show. There's an extrovert in the house.

How the book came about was when I was still playing doctor, I started doing a lot of teaching. Going back to the purpose thing, the first purpose was to heal myself. I found my purpose wasn't in any specific job or form of what anything looked like. The next step up from that is, "What's the natural expression of your essence?" That can look like many things. What I found was that we all have multiple gifts and multiple dimensions of our essence.

If we can do something that's in alignment with the natural expression of our essence, then we get natural fulfillment. Simultaneously, without realizing it based upon the Law of Abundance, we have the ability to create abundance in our lives because we're in alignment. You can do it effortlessly. I haven't played clinical doctor for a long period of time, but the universe keeps on throwing people in my direction. I run a couple of other companies that I'm a cofounder of.

They have nothing to do with health and fitness, but the universe wants me to get out there and do my thing. I'm in the process of doing a relaunch. That's why the book. I started doing blogs. My sweet spot is live speaking gigs and seminars. You read the book. The book became a continuing ed program in the state of California for doctors, meaning it was the only wellness offering that was a continuing ed program, even for alternative medicine doctors.

That's crazy that there was only one. That says a lot.

I've always been ahead of the curve. I have a non-conventional lifestyle. Be present. The goal with this ongoing healing thing is, "Every day, can I show up as a higher version of myself than the day before?" It's my intention when I get up first thing in the morning. Everybody can do this, "What do I want to be? How do I want to show up in life? I want to be as loving, kind, considerate, thoughtful and generous as I can possibly be with everybody at all times."

That's always my prayer too in the morning.

Part of my healing process is I did a very deep dive to my entire life going all the way back to the beginning as far as I could. I looked at what happened in my life. Why did that happen? What were the metaphysical principles behind that? What was the pain that was associated and tied with that? What was the outcome? What were the ramifications and consequences of me doing this or that? I also looked at what were all the positive things that happened along the way.

I noticed something interesting. The home runs that I've hit in my life, whether it has been financial or business, we're all tied to me showing up in somebody's life and being a blessing in some way. That wasn't necessarily tied to the abundance I pulled into my life 10, 15 or 20 years later. I could tie it back to a situation that I gave without an expectation of anything in return.

AYD 31 Stephen | Healing Experience
Healing Experience: Every cell in physiological development is exposed to and is evolving within that energy matrix. And if that energy matrix looks like anger, fear, guilt, and shame, that's very restrictive to the cell’s ability to reach this optimal potential.

 

It's the reason why I threw the gentleman that lost 100 pounds. It's the same thing. This was one friend helping another. The story behind that gentleman was we were working together. I have a very eclectic career. I started in public accounting. What I learned working with a big CPA firm was I hated it even though I have a good head for it. Just because you can do it doesn't necessarily mean you enjoy it or you like it.

It's the Gay Hendricks' concept of just because you can doesn't mean you should. Just because you have excellence in an area doesn't mean that you’re a genius. Find your genius and then stick with your genius.

It was torture for me. Along the way, one of the things I did back in 1979 and the early '80s was I was a commodity broker. I sold gold and silver. The gentleman that I helped lose all the weight, his name was John. At the time, John weighed 365 pounds. I was 24 or 25 years old back there. John was in his early 30s. We were working in an environment where guys are making a lot of money. Over lunch, they were going to the restaurants, snorting coke and drinking in their lunch. I was going to the gym, working out and eating my chicken sandwich.

Was this the late '70s and early '80s?

Yeah. John noticed that my lifestyle was entirely different from everybody else's. He had helped me from a professional development standpoint, just giving freely. At a certain point, John was diagnosed with a terminal condition. The weight and the meds he was on have created a fluid sac around his heart. Your heart sits in a sac called the pericardium. His pericardium was 70% full of fluid. As one friend helped another, he cornered me one day and went, "I went through an extensive set of testing batteries. Can you help me lose weight?"

Back then, I said, "John, I'm no doctor but I understand the basics because I come from an athletic background." I was working with John over the course of the year. It's one friend helping another every day and we did it. We didn't advertise and broadcast. He ended up losing that weight. That was the transition. I remember about a year into it, he goes, "I couldn't get this attention anywhere else here in Newport Beach. You have to have a company here if you want it."

I left the financial markets and opened up Personalized Health and Fitness Inc., which was the first executive fitness coaching company in Southern California. I did that for about a year and got bored. I was casually talking to John and I said, "I'm not a babysitter type. I'm too much Rambo. Babysitting doesn't cut it for me. I would be a whole lot better off as a doctor." He goes, "That's the smartest thing I've heard you say." At the ripe age of 30, I researched around. Chiropractic at the time was the only thing that already fit my holistic alternative medicine mentality.

Having been an athlete and having accomplished what I accomplished, I had an intimate understanding of the human body. That's why I'm in coaching. Apparently, I was good at it. I was like an ace mechanic. Prior to going to chiropractic school, I could take apart a car and put it all back together even though I didn't know the names of any of the bolts or parts. What chiropractic did was give me the science background that I needed for the depth to be able to take my ability to help people in that capacity to the next level. I practiced from age 35 to 40. At 40, when I hit the wall, I sold the practice.

It has had different iterations moving forward over time. Wellness is my passion. When I say wellness, I'm talking about spiritual, emotional, psychological, as well as physical wellness. It even evolved. What started as athletic and human performance, then got into the healthcare and wellness space. What naturally evolved into the next step up is in the human potential space. To bring this all around full circle, even after I sold my chiropractic practice and did my concierge wellness practice and a bunch of other things, wellness has been relegated to my lifetime passion. I do it because I enjoy it.

There have been times when I've made money out of it and there are times where I haven't, but it doesn't change the fact that it brings me fulfillment. The abundance comes into my life through these other venues with a business background. I did twenty years of management consulting. It was funny because organizations didn't want to pay me much money to help make their employees healthy. It's more profitable but they pay me a lot of money to help them make more sales. The abundance can come in many ways when you're showing up the way you're supposed to show up and doing what you're supposed to do.

The money takes care of itself. What is your new book about if you're willing to share? I don't want to push it if you want to keep it under wraps until it comes out.

We have a working title. Suzy and I are working together on this one with a working title. What I do is help people connect the dots. One of the feedback I got from The Optimal Life book is, "This is like the Bible." It has 365 pages.

I am going to read it. I haven't read it before the interview. I can't wait to read it. I'm a good reader.

The secret to abundance is finding ways you can be a blessing in other people's lives.

I never put it on Amazon but you can buy it used on Amazon. There are two reviews on there. I couldn't have two more stellar reviews. This is how I know I was on track. The universe will let you know. At the beginning of the book, The Optimal Life, there's a section there that says, "Praise for The Optimal Life." It's three pages of testimonials. These are testimonials of doctors that took my continuing ed program. These were 8 to 12-hour stand-up days. It was brutal. I knew I was on track when every testimonial in there was unsolicited.

Those are the best kind when someone can't help themselves but let you know the impact that you've made.

It gives me fulfillment. I'm on track. It helps other people. The secret to abundance for me is finding ways where I can be a blessing in other people's lives. A blessing could be as much as smiling at somebody walking down the street. It's not about business. It has nothing to do with business. I don't worry about the economics of everything because I keep on getting invited into things. It's such a nice place to be compared to prior to being 40.

There's all that pushing the boulder up the hill and having it roll back over you. Should we look at your Design as we go into the home stretch of our talk?

Yeah. That would be fun.

You are delightful. Your life experience is so rich and your wisdom is so profound. This is so enjoyable to connect with you.

Thank you for your kind words.

I wouldn't say it if it wasn't. I don't shine people on. Let's see and get your chart. This is so exciting because you're so on purpose. You're 1/4 Generator and Sacral. I had a feeling you were Sacral. Happy belated birthday, Aquarius. Of course, you're an Aquarian. It couldn't be anything but an Aquarian. The Aquarians came from the other dimension to bring us new consciousness. I have a lot of Aquarians in my life. The thing about the Aquarius energy is it's your Sun sign 19. What I want to talk with you about is the Right Angle Cross of the Four Ways, which is your life purpose.

It's why you’re incarnated and you have so fully embodied it. You're simply being it. To me, the goal of life is a non-goal. It's constantly becoming more and more in the cells of the body the destiny that your soul chose, where you just live and breathe and are that wherever you go. Wherever you go, you're spreading love, kindness and healing. That is your Design. Let's start with your Personality Sun. The strongest part of everyone's chart and in our life is the Personality Sun. I call it the Boob or the Donut, whatever you want to call it. This represents the Sun. You're in Gate 19, Line 1.

Gate 19 is very special. Gate 19 does what you described you did with your friend John back in the trading days. Gate 19 sees the profound suffering and needs of the other. It could be one individual, a group of people, a tribe of people, a certain demographic of people, an entire country or the world. Gate 19 sees the individual, tribal and collective levels, which is what I'm referencing. It's the three levels of our human interaction. The mutation happens on the individual level.

What you did with John is that individual mutation where he reclaimed his health and therefore his power over his life so that he didn't die of heart failure, diabetes or whatever else he was going to die of had you not interfaced with him. That individual mutation is what informs the tribe and the collective. Gate 19 sees profound suffering and need. It's very gentle energy. It's called the Approach in I Ching. The idea of the Approach with Gate 19 is how you approach anything is how the outcome will be. If you enter in with aggression, it's going to turn to aggression most likely.

You could maybe stop it but it's going to create a problem. If you enter into something critically, you're going to get criticism back. If you enter into something without preparing, you are going to get spotty results. It's all about the Approach. Gate 19 experiences something that Richard Rudd, who is a Human Design expert, calls synesthesia. Synesthesia is when senses flip around and do different things. For example, you can taste color and smell a sound. The sound has a thought form, color and so on. Gate 19 is where this lives. It's an energy that comes up from Mother Earth.

Some of the energy that comes into us comes from the solar system, infinity or outer space, in other words. It comes in through the crown. The energy that comes up from the root is down here. It's interesting because Gate 19 is also very attuned to food, sex, sleep, rest, downtime and tranquility. When those needs are met, it keeps us healthy. It's right at the bottom of the Design. This is your root chakra, which essentially represents your tailbone down to the tips of your toes. It's the lower part of the body, right below the pelvis.

AYD 31 Stephen | Healing Experience
Healing Experience: How you approach anything is how the outcome will be. If you enter in with aggression, it's going to turn to aggression. If you enter into something critically, you're going to get criticism back. If you enter into something without preparing, you are going to get spotty results.

 

There is the pelvis, the cradle, and the root. The sex organs are here. For a man, it's the gonads. For a woman, it's the ovaries and the uterus. That root is pulling up the mineralization energy frequencies of the Earth. It's being fed into you. Gate 19 is where there's attunement to what is needed. It's also therefore known because you have the synesthesia capability to read energy at such a profound level. It's the Shaman. You're a Shaman. Your Sun is 70% of what people respond to in you. It's the Personality Sun or that Aquarian Sun position. The Age of Aquarius is in the fifth dimension.

The fifth dimension is sound. It's through our voice that we manifest. We're being able to do that more rapidly. It's through the acoustics that we transform. Individual mutation happens through sound primarily. It's letting out our sounds, wails, screams, cries, laughter, and moving the emotion or energy in motion through sound. The sound frequency activates. You're a shaman. What's the purpose of a shaman? From all my studies of shamanism and I've worked with shamans all over the world, talk about sweat lodges and Ayahuasca. You name it. I've done it.

I haven't done all the medicines but I've done most of them. There are some on my list I want to try and see what comes through. To me, shamanism is the actualization of bliss in human form. It's moving through life in a state of joy, appreciation, gratitude, love, prosperity, generosity and everything you mentioned at the beginning. That can only happen when the individual has their needs met. You interface with people to show them where their needs aren't being met, and where they're out of alignment with their true divine soul's purpose. How does that land for you?

You're spot on some of the things that you've talked about. Once I could see the truth about myself at a very deep and intimate level and understand all the dimensions of how I had expressed myself, where that came from and what that was about, I could see the truth about everything that was going on around me. I've done a lot of stuff in Corporate America as well as playing doctor. Having been in both those kinds of environments was very beneficial to my growth and my higher level of understanding.

When you're playing doctor, you're working with people behind closed doors and they're all struggling. It's all stress. There's always an emotional component. Can you show up and reflect back to them that they're more loving than their perception of themselves at that moment? Sometimes that's all the healing is. In the corporate side of things, the management consulting I had done was in two areas. It was going in and doing turnarounds or building sales organizations for companies.

I want to show you where that is in your chart. It's Gate 44, Gate 32-54 and Gate 50. I'll explain why it’s in your Design. It's all correct.

At a very fundamental level, it's about how you relate to other people. It's all communication and how you relate. Are you 100% available in the present moment to experience the truth about what's going on so that you know what to do and you don't need a script or a strategy? I also taught emotional intelligence at leadership training. It's all the same stuff at a fundamental level. No matter what environments I was in business, inadvertently I would get pulled into technically what we would call a conflict resolution when there were problems with people because of my life path.

It's so wonderful to have your life story and then have the circuit board. I also can see where you traumatized yourself.

One of the gifts I have that has evolved as a natural concept of my life's work on myself was no matter what environment I'm in with people, what comes to me is a snapshot of what's going on with that person at a deep level. It isn't like I'm looking for it. It's like when you take a picture, it's just there.

It's all on your Design. I want to leave you with a few things. You have an open-wheel center. There are no gates defined. The physical heart represents our will to what we commit to. When it's open like this, the shadow of it, which you've transcended, is trying to prove yourself. I have a defined will and I am fucking competitive. I was a competitive athlete. I almost never injured myself because I didn't have anything to prove. I was trying to beat my last time.

It was never about the other person. That's what will is about. It's not about beating the other team or the other swimmers. I was a swimmer, rower, track athlete and dancer. I did a lot of things. I played soccer, which I was terrible at. Some of the sports I was awful at. Nevertheless, I love to compete because it was always me against myself. That's what a defined will is for. When the will is undefined and you're as energetic and athletic as you are, when you're younger, it's like, "I got to prove myself. I got to be the man. I got to win and win some more." It takes a huge toll.

Thank God you figured it out. After snapping both Achilles' heels at the same time was like, "Maybe my drive is an Achilles' heel. Maybe Achilles is trying to give me a message." At any rate, that's part of it. Here's the other irony. You have channels 54-32. What's wild about this channel is it’s ambition. It is such an incredible money channel. Gate 54 is this fuel from the Earth in the root. Anything in the root is fuel. These are nine gates of fuel from Mother Earth. You got healing fuel.

Gate 41, which we won't get into, is the start code in our DNA. It's the recognition and the desire for a new experience. What drives you through life is, "I want to have a new experience and see what happens." You don't have an agenda. You're not particularly attached to the outcome. Some people have the outcome in their chart and that's fine. Yours is like, "Let's go with the flow." You're Sacral. You go with the flow, yes or no. You're very instinctive. As long as you trust your sex organs and the sound that comes out of your mouth, you're good.

Leave a legacy where the future's better than what it was in the past.

Gate 54 is fuel for ambition but Gate 32 is, "What do we keep? What do we get rid of?" It's about legacy, continuity and duration from the I Ching 3,000 years ago. I Ching was a cosmic download. It probably came to the guy when he was meditating. He wrote it down like Human Design and many things. They came from outer space. Gate 54 is this fuel to improve and help the tribe. It is tribal energy. It's in the entrepreneurial or ego circuit. It's part of tribal prosperity.

The money you make isn't just for you. It's also for the tribe. It's to leave a legacy where the future is better than what it was in the past. You decide all the time, "Should this continue or end? Is this a worthwhile thing to do? Do we need to put it to bed, bury it in the ground and burn it up? Where are we going?" You have the whole channel. You're driven to produce this prosperity that benefits the tribe. You get to keep some for yourself. You pay yourself but it benefits the tribe. There's that.

Gate 50 is the cosmic cop. Gate 50 is about values. When someone has Gate 50, they're either a warlord or a peace lord. You get to choose which one you want to be. You can choose peace or malefic and violent destruction to control. Everything in Human Design has the depths of hell and the angels of heaven contained within it. It's the binary or the oppositions. You chose to be a peace cop and not a warlord. Thank you.

Gate 44 is the sense of smell. It's sniffing out the right people for the team. This is where organizational consulting comes in. It's an instinct for the right people and getting rid of the wrong people. You also have the 13-33 channel, which is a massive leadership channel. That's all about helping people find the right job, purpose and place in the world. Gate 33 is historical. You're a wonderful historian of life. You see the progression.

You're able to communicate a timeline to people like you did at the beginning of our interview, "This is where we came from. This is what happens. If you don't heal it, here's where you will go. If you heal it, here's what's possible. It's your choice." Gate 33 does that. It lays it out. It's nonjudgmental. It's historical. Gate 13 listens. It's the listener. Gate 7 is the leader who directs people towards self-love. You can see how everything is right there. I'll leave you with this thought. The 57-34 channel is pure intuitive power. It's instinct. There's no thought associated with it.

That's where the cosmic healing comes in along with Gate 19. You got the Shaman-Healer Gate in your Aquarian Sun. For 57-34, Gate 57 is the gate of intuition. Intuition lives in the spleen. The spleen is the home of immunity. It's where T cells get activated. People tell me they're having their spleen out. People are having all their organs out. They get their gallbladder. I'm like, "What are you doing? Let's start with a cleanse before you remove an organ because there was a gallstone. Get a grip."

Most of my friends have their organs out and they still have the problem. Removing the organ won't heal the problem because it's emotional. You and I know that. You can't keep removing all your body parts to heal. You will be dead. There's a limit to how much you can remove from the body before there's no body left. For 57-34, Gate 57 is the impulse of intuition. It's like a pulse. Gate 34 is pure power. It's not sexual either. This is not a sexual power even though all the other gates on the Sacral are sexual energy.

Gate 34 is the pure power to create. Intuition meets creation. You immediately know like a medical intuitive what's going on. You know it in your whole body like, "This guy has cancer. This woman is having a psychotic break and it's because of her childhood." You see it, feel it and know it. Everything you're doing is correct. You have transcended the shadows of trying to prove yourself. It's not a good idea. You never want to compete with people like me with a defined will.

It creates interesting dynamics in our weird gender role society where women are like this and men are like this. There's so much bullshit. A guy that doesn't have a defined will with me, I tell him, "I don't know if you want to play board games with me if you have a fragile ego, which you don't. I will beat your ass and I will not ever play to let you win because I'm trying to beat my last best Scrabble game or swim time. You name it." It's never a good idea for you to compete with anyone.

You're not built that way. You're not here to compete. You're here to help others heal. You're so embodied. You're living your Design. Ultimately, I want to leave one more thing. Both your Plutos are in Gate 4, which is up here off the soul crystal or the pineal gland. Gate 4 is about taking risks. Do you know the Fool card in the tarot where the Fool is walking with his dog and he's about to walk right off the cliff? Have you ever seen that image?

No.

You would love a tarot deck. Get the Rider-Waite classic tarot deck and have a look at those images. The tarot deck tells you the whole story of life. If you translate it, it's a whole prescription of how to live correctly. Everything is energy. The tarot deck shows you how to manage energy. Gate 4 is the Fool Gate. In the I Ching, it's about risk-taking. It's called folly. The high vibration of folly is forgiveness because when you take risks, you're going to make mistakes. When you take risks, you're going to win some and lose some. When you take risks, you're going to mutate and expand.

It's all for the collective but it's experiential. It's not logical. You can't explain it. You take the risk, chips fall where they may and then you get the insight. Ultimately, the bottom line here is Pluto, which represents our deepest truth. Pluto is making the rounds in the sky. We're being impacted by Pluto in a very strong way. In essence, what your chart says is that your deepest truth is forgiveness.

AYD 31 Stephen | Healing Experience
Healing Experience: It's all about communication and how you relate to people. You have to be a hundred percent available in the present moment to experience the truth about what's going on so that you know what to do.

 

In forgiving yourself, you teach others how to forgive themselves, have compassion and recognize that we don't make mistakes. We just are constantly presented with new opportunities to choose differently. If we get the lesson from a mistake, we evolve up. If we refuse to get the lesson and especially refuse to forgive ourselves for what we perceive we did wrong, we go down. You are so aligned with your Design. It's off the hook. It is such a privilege to meet a King who understands that it's about the Cups and not the Pentacles. Money is important. It's a tool.

It's practical this day and age but that's not where the essence lies.

The Cups or the Love, using the tarot analogy, trumps everything. The Love is the umbrella. The Love is the frequency starting with self-love and then it ripples out. To me, you embody the Emperor. He's all the things. He's love, wisdom, prosperity and creativity.

I should talk to you every day.

You ought to. You can always listen to this replay when you need a little pep talk to remember how magnificent you are. I came up with a title for this episode. I'm going to call it, "Meet a Real King."

Let me share one thing with you. For my healing journey, I had already cut loose of everything when I said I had hit the wall. I ended up out in Missouri at the holistic center and going out there because my sister was one of the cofounders. I didn't go out there to heal. I went out there to find out what my sister was up to. What they were about resonated with me. Because I had cut loose of everything else, I ended up out there several months at a time, and then I went back there for a year. I was a clinical staff there and did other things. This was all pro bono. It's a nonprofit organization.

This gives you an idea. When I ran my chiropractic practice from 35 to 40, on my 40th birthday, my staff got me a birthday present. The birthday present they got me was a life-size statue of a Doberman. My nickname was Doby Doc. People who knew me before or after go, "What book did you read?" My experience out there, and the timing was right, was the paradigm shift in my life if I had to nail it down and my ability to look at everything differently. Dr. Szára, who was the father head figure, embodied the loving father. The difference is having experienced unconditional love, I now know the difference between what love is and what love is not.

Love pours out of you. I feel like I've been bathed in love. I don't want this to end. Thank you so much, Dr. Bizal. Will you come back? Can we have you back on?

Count me in.

Will you let me know when the book is coming out so I can share it with my community? In the meantime, get a copy of The Optimal Life and get rolling on that emotional healing. Are there any final words for our audience?

The only reason you're stuck is somewhere along the lines, you gave up your power because you don't even realize you have power but you do have power. It's your journey to figure it out.

Thank you, dear Emperor. Thank you so much for tuning in. This has been another episode. I'll see you soon. Thank you again, Dr. Bizal.

Thank you, Baeth. It has been a pleasure.

 

Important Links

 

About Dr. Stephen Bizal, D.C.

AYD 31 Stephen | Healing ExperienceDr. Stephen Bizal is the author of the critically acclaimed book "The Optimal Life, Empowering Health, Healing & Longevity". An innovator in the field of healing, human potential & human performance. Dr. Bizal founded the first executive health & fitness coaching company, Personalized Health and Fitness, Inc., in Southern California in 1981 after helping a friend lose 100 pounds in one year.

The Optimal Life EmPOWERment program, "Wellness/Lifestyle Medicine and Healthy-Aging", was the first wellness course approved for continuing education in California for both medical and chiropratic healyh professionals. His book, "The Optimal Life" was also an online course at www.psychceu.com approved for CE for psychologists, LMFT's, RN's and Social Workers in CA, TX, OH, & FL. He founded www.WellnessCoachingInstitute.com in 2009, the first university approved wellnesss certification program in the U.S. for health, insurance, & human resource professionals.

Thought provoking and always entertaining, America's Wellness Go-To Guy will inspire you to take charge of your life by helping you "connect the dots" to create optimal health and the optimal life. A former consultant to the largest integrative medicine treatment center in North America, the second-largest hospital chain in America, and a dot.com company that served Big Pharma, he had an insider's understanding of both the conventional and alternative medicine models, the challenges that each faces, and why you, the consumer, is the one that is really at risk in today's healthcare environment.

Emotional Mastery For Difficult People And Difficult Emotions With Projector Leslie Austin

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery

Dealing with difficult people is not something most of us enjoy. Difficult people can have a way of imposing difficult emotions and drama in our lives. However, if you have emotional mastery, you can push past these feelings and deal with these individuals successfully. Join Baeth Davis as she sits down for a heartfelt conversation with public speaker, coach and psychotherapist, Dr. Leslie Austin. Dr. Austin shares her insights on how to deal with difficult people and how to master your emotions. She teaches the secrets of communicating with difficult people and the best way to act to create more harmony. Baeth also does a human design reading for Dr. Austin, who is a Projector, and talks about the results.

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Watch the episode here:

Listen to the podcast here

Emotional Mastery For Difficult People And Difficult Emotions With Projector Leslie Austin

You are attending the Align to Your Design podcast, where I interview people who I deem aligned to their design, who are doing cool, unusual innovative things in the world with their purpose. How our show is formatted is you meet these incredible guests and we have a cool conversation about their work, and then we look at their chart. I ask every guest before the show what they want to look at in their chart. That's what we do at the end of the show, so you can start to get a taste of human design. If you want to join our community, go to YourPurpose.com/community. You can join the Facebook group. We do trainings in there almost every week unless I'm on vacation or I need a break. If you go into the video section of that group, you can find all the previous recorded trainings. Every couple of months, I do a free multi-day training, which is popular, called the Life Purpose Lab. We have another one coming up, so be sure to go over to YourPurpose.com/community. You can look in the events section as well and see what's going on.

I'm excited about our topic. It's a topic I love. It's a topic that no human can escape. Our topic is emotional mastery for difficult emotions and difficult people because don't we know some difficult people? Yes. Why are they difficult? They don't know how to manage their difficult emotions and you may not know how to manage their difficult emotions, which cause you difficult emotions. Are we confused yet? Yeah. It's a morass of emotional mess that occurs when we do not take personal responsibility, which is something I'm big on. Emotional mastery happens to be one of my life goals for life.

Our guest is the amazing Leslie Austin. She is a PhD, an executive coach, and a psychotherapist with extensive experience helping people resolve seemingly impossible challenges, dealing with difficult people, relationships, emotions, and situations. Usually, her clients have already done significant work on their issues but still feel stuck, unhappy, and unsatisfied. When they work with Leslie, they need to be ready to get results quickly. Leslie's known for a gentle but deeply penetrating way of working with people, which I can attest to. It untangles even the deepest traumas along with her magnificent sense of humor to lighten things up along the way.

Based on over 25 years of experience as a special area of focus, Leslie has created an unusually effective way of understanding and dealing with the toxic influence of excessively narcissistic people in our lives. I read that since the ‘70s, according to Psychology Today, narcissism has increased by 40%. I wonder why. Maybe social media or maybe a lot of things. Nevertheless, you may find you're having to deal with even more difficult people. With that, let's bring on our amazing guest, Leslie Austin, and dive into this conversation about emotional mastery because it is important to your wellbeing in life. Welcome to the show. Leslie Austin, it’s great to be with you.

Thank you.

You work with these clients on how to deal better with these difficult people, as well as difficult emotions and situations. What sets your work apart? What makes your work different from how other coaches, counselors, and therapists deal with these difficult, thorny, emotional situations?

There are two main tenets that are different about the way I work and the first one is mindset. I'm not a fan of the idea of healing or surviving difficult situations or problems. People say, “I proudly say I'm a survivor.” To me, that means you've gotten through a difficult situation but you're still identifying with the victimhood.

Is that why I don't like that word?

Maybe. I don't know. That's why I don't like it. I'm a little bit touchy about healing also because identifying with them, “I’m always healing,” implies in the nuance of the wording that there's something wrong. There's something defective or there's some illness underneath. My whole mindset is thriving using all of your resources to be the best you can be and to find a profound acceptance of who you are. Good and bad, neat and messy, whoever you are, whatever you are, you are perfect the way you are. If you can get peaceful with yourself, then we get to the second tenet, which is, we make all actions based on emotions but does not compel us to act.

If your emotions are engaged behind the thought, then you take an action. Human beings are often messy and we have intense emotions. We think if somebody is giving us a hard time, they have to change. Sorry, you can't change anybody else but you have total control over how you choose to act from your emotions. If you can't control your emotions, once you notice you're angry, it's too late, you're already angry. You can't say, “I'm not going to be angry.” It's not going to work. You're already angry, but you have total choice over how to act from that. What do you want to do? What's the actual effect that you want from your anger? What is your anger telling you?

You can't change anybody else, but you have total control over how you choose to act from your emotions.

It's important information. It doesn't matter what the emotion is. You get so angry you want to kill somebody and some people feel that. What is it telling you? What's wrong that you want to fix? Is there a better way to fix it than committing a crime or harming someone? You need to be truthful with what your emotions are telling you, and then choose how to deal with that and how to find a way to get a better outcome. That's a different mindset than when I was trained as a psychotherapist, especially when it comes to narcissism.

What was the difference? Tell us a bit about the training.

In classical psychotherapy, I was trained as a gestalt therapist. I also studied union and core energetics in a couple of other schools because I'm a constant studier, hungry to know lots of things, and then blend them all into what works for each individual person. I have no shame about pulling from any system. If it works, that's fine with me. The thing about narcissism in classical psychotherapeutic thinking is you can't treat it. It's persistent and they're stuck. All you can do is manage it or get rid of them in your life. That's true for people who are on the extreme spectrum of narcissism. You can't negotiate with them. When you recognize the signs, you do need to get them out of your life unless you are happy suffering being with them. You have to know how to get them out of your life so that they don't keep targeting you. You have to know how to do that safely. That's something I've done over and over in corporate situations with executives who have abusive bosses. Sometimes, with the abusive boss.

Get them to wake up and become a better person, and then they win bigger and they're happier. That's a good outcome for everyone, in situations where women are abused or in difficult relationships and one time with a man who had an abusive wife. It's overwhelmingly women that are abused by men, but not always. What I have seen is if my client is willing to do the work, it's not easy, it goes deep, and it's intense. If you do the work with me and you're up for it, you will change. The responses or reactions you get from the other person absolutely will change and they'll get better the more you master yourself.

You need to learn and understand what I call the game plays. It's like basketball has certain plays and moves in the game. Narcissists have a certain emotional gameplan. I can predict the script and behaviors. I understand behavior and I can tell you what the moves will be. There's a map. What seems chaotic and crazy to you, if you understand their emotional logic, there is a system. If you understand that system and you learn how to navigate it, you can change the relationship. In some cases, it becomes easy to live with that person if you love them and you make it work. They're not going to change completely, but you can make it livable.

In some cases, you'll see that they're not open to change and it's hurting you too much, and then you do need to get out unless you're willing to live that way. Unfortunately, a couple of women I've known have been too scared and too brainwashed by their partner to know that it was hurting them enough to get out. Some do. I have gotten several people out of those situations. As they say in corporations too, I have changed the whole dynamic of a team by working with the narcissistic boss and teaching him or in 1 or 2 cases, her. It's overwhelmingly male but not entirely, teaching him or her how to win smarter, which means not hurting other people.

Women can be narcissistic. In my experience, they go quite far in life. My experience is narcissism is rewarded in our culture.

I might add to the real detriment of the inner lies and the emotional lives of all of those male executives who are the star performers, the top CEOs, and all these big winners that we admire so much, they often have a poor self-image, believe it or not. The secret is they're scared. Anybody who is that much of a bully or that much of a control freak, I'm not going to go into the history of why and how but this is true. Inside, they're a little boy or a little girl and they are terrified that the world is chaotic and that they can't control everything. They overcompensate by trying to control every little thing. Including if you're on the phone with them, they won't let you have the last word. They'll say, “Uh-huh,” or something and hang up. They won't let you say, “Okay bye,” and hang up. If they do, you'll get an email, text, or phone call. They have to have the winning end. You have to be careful. There are all kinds of little subtle tests that I have devised to check how far along the narcissism spectrum and get to know them.

Let's talk about that because I know our readers are fascinated by this. One of them has to have the last word and if you take that from them, you're going to get some follow-up communication. What are some other red flags that you could be dealing with a highly self-centered individual?

One of two things will happen, usually both right with quick order. They will look at me or talk to me and I will feel like I'm the most special person in the world. Their focus is on me. They're this charismatic, charming, and interesting person. They’re connected to me and it feels wonderful, and then I start to feel bad like I'm not good enough. Whatever I can do is never going to be enough. With almost every single senior executive that I've worked with who had this kind of behavior pattern, in the first session, I am always positive. I believe this. “This is the guy that's going to take me down. This is the guy that's going to show me I'm a fraud. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not going to be able to help him. I'm going to look terrible.” I know now that is concrete evidence that I'm in the right place, I'm with the right client, I know what I'm doing, and I'm seeing the beginning signs of what I need to work with.

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: We make all actions based on emotions but it does not compel us to act. If your emotions are engaged behind the thought, then you take an action.

Because you can feel that, you can feel both their magnetism and charisma, which has propelled them so far through life, and yet, your body's own feedback system is saying, “Danger. Alert. This person could cause you a lot of trouble.”

The first thing I teach people who are trying to learn how to deal with these difficult people is, “It's not about you.” This is a hard concept to get but once you get this one, the others become a little easier. Neither the charismatic attention or the diminishing has anything to do with you as an individual person. It's their stuff. You could be anybody that they're connecting to. The reason for that is part of the dysfunction of someone with that extreme pattern of personality is they cannot empathize with anybody outside of themselves. They can't authentically connect and they only relate to people in their world and circumstances in relation to themselves. “Is this helping me? Is this hurting me? Is this person supporting and aligned with me? Are they my enemy?” It's black and white, angel or devil. It will depend on your last contact with them.

If you said something that was supportive, then you're good and they'll be nice to you. If you've questioned something they said, you might be a bad guy. None of that is about you because they're not relating to you one-on-one intimately. They're stuck in their own world. They’re stuck in their own thing and they're playing it out on you. If you're able to get that little bit of distance and that inner security and strength to start observing and watching the pattern of what's happening, you can go far to shifting the relationship or knowing how to get out without hurting yourself. You don't want to hurt the other person. Don’t forget that. Revenge is not sweet here.

I had a long-term friendship and there were things going sideways in that relationship. I don't think I communicated well but I did challenge this individual. That was the last time we ever spoke. I realized I hadn't ever challenged her in that way before, where I flat out said, “I don't think what you're doing is healthy or correct.” It's hurting other people and me.

There are two elements in what you're saying that would have had her drop you off or least, get rid of you. Number one, she would have been surprised at what you were saying.

I don't think she thought that at all. She thought she was just doing the right thing.

People with strong narcissistic patterns hate surprises because they immediately feel inadequate and that somebody is going to get them. It's a survival thing. “I'm under attack. I didn't know that.” It's a fear thing. Surprises are not good to spring on them. Secondly, you had the audacity to express an opinion. You expressed an opinion that was truthful and authentic for you to express, but it wasn't what they wanted to hear. Therefore, you were wrong and bad because their version of themselves didn't suit what you were saying.

They have to keep that image intact and I'm a threat to the image because I'm challenging their self-image.

Off with your head, you're gone.

We had a mutual circle and she told everyone, “I will never speak to her again.” I was like, “That's telling after 25 years of friendship.” She was always dishing it out to me and I was like, “Fine. I can take it.”

Narcissists can't authentically connect and they only relate to people in their world and circumstances in relation to themselves.

It's one way.

I wish I had spoken to her sooner, but I've replayed it in my mind and I'm like, “It wouldn't have mattered how I said it when I said it.” It might have if I'd met you because I love this person. That's what's so interesting. I still love her and care about her. She's not a bad person. She's a good person, but there's this defended part of her. I don't even want to label her a narcissist. I'm not a clinician. There's a protected part in this person emotionally. The way they're acting, this difficultness that they're creating for others is coming from control. Do I have that right?

Yes, absolutely. Two things. I'm trying to be careful not to call them narcissists. That’s putting them in a box, but with narcissistic behaviors or patterns. They’re whole people who behave in a certain way that's dysfunctional. They're not a diagnosis to me. I'm not a big fan of the DSM. The second thing is I can't go into the whole system, but had you known at the time, here's how you could have tried to speak to her to see if you could get through. You could have gone to her and said, “I'd love to share some things that I'm thinking and feeling and I'd love your take on them.” There's a structure for how you have to speak. There are sentences you have to memorize.

People object at first and they say, “I'm manipulating.” “Why do I have to do that?” The answer is because they're speaking Greek and you're speaking French. If you want to talk to them, you have to learn Greek. You have to learn narcissistic emotional structure if you want to get through their emotional language. “I want to tell you some things. Some things are bothering me. I'd like to talk them out with you and I'd love to hear your take. Would you be willing to hear me out?” You're taking it away from, “You did this. I did this.”

If it gets into what happened and how hurt you felt, you can't say, “You did this to me.” What you need to say is, “When you did that, I felt this.” You're putting the responsibility for their reaction where it belongs on you, but you're highlighting that she did something that she didn't know affected you that way. You're not blaming, attacking, or pointing fingers, but you're truthfully saying, “When you did that, I felt this, and I was upset,” which is totally different than saying, “When you did that, you made me feel this.” It didn't make you feel it. You felt it.

There's a huge difference. I try to do that in all my communication now. I say to people, “When this happened, I felt.” I even will clarify sometimes and say, “You're in no way responsible for what I'm feeling. I'm responsible for what I'm feeling. I'm noticing what I'm feeling, so I want to communicate with you.” We can then get to a good feeling.

This is not just true for narcissism. This is true for all of our emotions. All of our emotions are important information. We need to listen to them and find out what it is our emotions are telling us that needs fixing or adjusting or being made better or change. Call upon all our good inner resources. What's a better way to go about getting that? If you're not sure but you feel compelled to act, make a small action. If it's one that has negative consequences, the consequences are small because the action was small. You can reconnoiter, be resilient, and move.

This is an emotional strategy. I teach people emotional strategy. The fun thing is after a while, when you start to get in the groove of it, it becomes instinctive. My happiest thing is when I'm working with someone. Commonly, I'll work with an executive client for four months. It’s a short period of time, intense work, and changes happen. What I always tell them in the first session, and this is true with individual clients, too, “I hope you don't have a lot of big a-ha’s because I don't trust them. They don't last. I hope that you enjoy talking with me and you think not a lot is going on from week to week. Two or three months from now, I'm going to point out to you that you are reacting instinctively quite differently than you were and you're managing through sticky situations so much better.”

How did that happen? It was seamless and it's become part of your instinctive reaction, so you don't have to think about it. What we're doing is retraining your neurology to help you behave differently, so you get different responses. It's organic. I love it when people say, “I'm having a great time. What are we doing?” I point out, “You told me how you dealt with that situation. What would you have done three months ago?” They're like, “I get it.” The ironic thing is ideally down the road, I make myself obsolete, which is exciting and sad at the same time because I usually end up liking my clients.

They send you referrals I'm sure. What are some of the outcomes that your clients experience? Follow that question with, how do their lives change after doing their work with you?

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: People with strong narcissistic patterns hate surprises because they immediately feel inadequate and that somebody is going to get them. It's a survival thing.

The outcomes that they experienced are usually clear and specific. They gain clarity and mastery over their own inner lives. They realize that they have a choice and they can pilot and navigate themselves in their lives with much more wisdom and foresight, and being more authentic and true to themselves than they ever thought. You can change many more emotions that you think you can't. The key is letting them be. Not trying to change them when you're first aware of them, but going into them, tracking them, unpacking them, getting the information out, and then choosing your strategy plan for what you want to do with them.

It sounds complicated but over time, it becomes instinctive and you just do it. We're all human beings and we're all messes. I've been doing this for years and I absolutely have moments when I'm in a big fail. I get mad and pop off like everybody else does. You can't expect something unreasonable but you can expect so much better, happier, thriving, resilient, more confident, more secure that you can handle difficult situations, and to know when you can't. Have that boundary when enough is enough, which we're not talking about culture.

Our culture is odd. It's be happy all the time and more. You don't have enough but we need more.

Our culture is left brained, five senses ordinary world. To me, it lacks an emphasis on the soul, spirit, higher being, and the place of art and creativity comes from.

Nuance and subtlety.

All the things that have meaning that aren't tangible and earning money.

It's primitive.

It’s lopsided.

It used to be food and now it's money. You transferred the scarcity fear. For many years, people called you The Lion-Tamer. Where did that name come from? How did you use that as your brand? Follow up with, what has your brand evolved into? For many years, you were The Lion-Tamer.

I was working with a coach and entrepreneur many years ago. He’s a well-known, irascible guy. I was at one of his workshops. This is quite a long time ago. We were talking about forming your brand. At that time, I was doing majorly executive coaching with CEOs, senior executives, senior managers, and teams of executives in many industries. I said to him, “When I start working with these guys, I simply feel like I'm a lion-tamer because this team I'm working within the derivatives area for a global bank are all at each other's throats. They're competing with each other to be a bigger, better king instead of looking that the department is a mess, it's not functioning, and why aren't they fixing it.” He said, “That's your brand. You're the lion-tamer.” Everybody in the room went, “That's great,” so I started using it.

You can change many more emotions that you think you can't. The key is to let them be, not to try to change them.

The reason it worked for so many years is when I say my clients affectionately call me the lion-tamer, people know instinctively without me explaining what I do. By the way, it's all positive reinforcement. It's not the lion-tamer with the whip and the gun. It's the positive one. I used to use a little logo of a lion and a top hat with a cane like he was dancing and smiling. That was the lion-tamer image. You have to support people and not make them feel bad or criticize them because then, you're re-traumatizing them. It's entirely possible to deal with people's profound traumas and have them go through them, release them, clear them out, and let them go without re-traumatizing yourself in the process. There's a lot of work going on trauma these days because so many people have dramatic experiences of many kinds. Many of the methods that I see don't want to take the person into the place and you don't have to take them into that traumatized place in order to clear it.

I was thinking about that friendship that went sideways and I take responsibility for possibly re-traumatizing her in my upset, not knowing.

You have to be careful taking too much responsibility.

I don't know that I did, but the reaction is the feedback. The feedback is the feedback.

The reaction there is evidence that she was a closed-loop and nothing you could have done would have gotten through anyway. You might have had a small chance of something, but you'd have to know how to negotiate that structure. It can sometimes be challenging.

People have complicated structures. What has your brand evolved into? Are you still The Lion-Tamer?

To some clients, I'm The Lion-Tamer but now, I'm talking about emotional mastery because it's a broader umbrella and the lion-taming comes under that. I've dealt with so many different clients and so many different issues and domains over the years that Lion-Tamer has become too narrow for me. I love it but it's a part of what I do and the big umbrella is emotional mastery.

It reminds me of, in the Rider-Waite tarot deck, there’s the strength card, the number nine card where the goddess is holding the mouth open of the lion. I have a version of that. It’s a tapestry that hangs in my bedroom. It's a little fairy lady sitting on the lion carrying this staff that's a heart and a sun. She's the yin and yang and she's sitting on the line and the lion is happy. To me, that real strength is emotional mastery and the lion represents our primitive, instinctive, wild, hungry, and passionate emotional self. There's nothing wrong with that. It's knowing how to manage it depending on what environment we find ourselves in.

I happen to have a Leo moon astrologically, so I like the lion imagery. It suits me well.

What is your sun sign?

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: If you are able to just get that little bit of distance and that little bit of inner security and strength to start observing and watching the pattern of what's happening, you can go very far to shifting the relationship.

I'm an Aquarius. It would help me. There are a bunch of planets in Aquarius. I have a Leo moon opposite. I have Scorpio rising square both of them. Almost everything in my chart is connected. When one aspect hits, the whole chart says, “We're all active.” It's quite an experience.

That's great for what you do. Why don't we take a look at your human design?

I've studied astrology for a couple of years since I was about 16 or 17. The thing about human design which I first was introduced to in 2010 or 2011, I learned things about myself as a projector in human design that I had learned nowhere else and it changed my life to understand that. The more I've gotten into understanding my chart and my design more in-depth, the more powerful it is because I do so many different kinds of things in so many different modes. This is not ego, but anybody who comes up to me with an issue, I'll know how to work with them to solve it. It's hard for me to know how to describe myself to people in a cohesive, clear way. My human design tells me how to talk about that. It's so powerful. It's amazing.

It's good stuff. I'm going to get your chart. Let's go to the body graph. To our audience, as you know and if you're new to the show, you don't necessarily know this. Before every interview, I ask our guests what in their human design they want to focus on so that we can focus on something and make it as succinct as possible. Leslie sent in her request to take a look at the human design from the perspective of creating an elevator pitch. I'm going to give a little explanation of what I mean, and then we're going to look at it numerically because human design ultimately is math.

Many of you are familiar with the idea of hopping on an elevator. Maybe you're at a conference and someone sees your name tag and realizes you're at the same conference, so what do you do? Hopefully, you tell them something about what you can do for them or someone they know. That's the hope. What most people do in their elevator pitch is they stumble over their words or they list a litany of things they can do, “I'm a speaker and a writer. I care.” Great, but what do you do? How do you help people?

People are lost. This is something I feel like people ought to be able to learn in college or in high school even how to present yourself. When we look at a human design chart, we're going to look at five celestial locations in your chart, Leslie, that help spell out the elevator pitch, and then we'll put it all together. All of you following along at home, you can circle these positions. You likely will have different numbers in these positions. The positions are important. I'm not going to do a whole preamble about human design, so we're just going to dive right in. The first thing we're going to look at is we're going to look at the design Jupiter and the fancy number four symbol is Jupiter. Leslie's is in gate 61, which is up off the head or the crown and it's in line 6. We're not going to worry about this line, the color. This particular chart goes deep into the gates.

Let me back up. The design Jupiter represents your business structure, business themes, business alliances, as well as ideal clients. In other words, it's the people in the realm. The way Jupiter expands is through leveraging the efforts of other people. The design side is the physical body and the personality side is the mind. Your body is for you and your mind is for other people. It's good to keep that in mind. Your mind is for the other. Your body instinctively knows how to do its thing. For you, Leslie, to build your realm, in this case, let's talk about clients because that's what we want to attract with our elevator pitch. Your ideal client is searching for the mystery. They are interested in deep thoughts.

Gate 61 is the deepest of thoughts and line 6 is a system for accessing that mystery. In this case, the mystery of, how do I deal with these difficult people? I shared a little example, but there's a litany of tragic communications from my life. I'm sure I'm not the only one, where I didn't know the system for communicating well or I did know it but my emotions overrode it or whatever the situation was. Your ideal client is someone who wants your unique proprietary system applied to them so that they can break through something that has been mysterious to them. They're mystified by what's happening. You can use that language. You're completely mystified, baffled, unable to understand how this is a problem and why you can't solve it on your own. That's your ideal client.

In terms of who you associate with, your business affiliates, business partners, employees, and your team, still all Jupiter, you need people who see the big picture, understand you're building a system, are also interested in the inner mystery, and are deeply spiritual themselves. The secret wish of every single person's ideal client is whatever is across from the design Jupiter gate. In this case, what's across from 61 is gate 24. This is interesting. You don't have gate 24. You might have it but you don't have it in your design. I have gate 24. You're attracting people who have gate 24. Gate 24, on the shadow side, is reliving things to the point of obsession and then rationalizing stuff you ought not to rationalize. Don't rationalize that bad behavior.

The upside of it is being able to rationalize most situations to find the silver lining, so it's a fine edge. Their secret wish is that they want to find out that it's not their fault, whoever they are, the person who's in the hot seat because they were recommended for their bad behavior, or the person who is being assaulted by this bad behavior or at least troubled by it. They are rationalizing that they don't mean it and they only get this way on Tuesdays or whatever. They're rationalizing the behavior. Their secret wish is that they could find a justification for what is happening, which you provide.

For all of you reading this, whatever is in your design Jupiter, I want you to look at what's across the way. The gates that create a channel. For example, 35 goes to 36. You don't have this channel. If a person had gate 35 as their design Jupiter, they're going to pull in people who have the 36 and it creates the whole channel. The thing about these opposite ends of the channel, also known as, the gates are opposite energies. Gate 61 wants to go deep into the heart of the matter and 24 wants to get to the rationalization. “Let's get to the explanation. Let's justify this thing.” That's what your secret wish is. It’s whatever is across from the structure you're here to build in design Jupiter.

You have to really support people and not make them feel bad or criticize them because then you're retraumatizing them.

What they want to achieve is your core genius, it’s design Earth. What they want to achieve is gate 2, line 2. This is huge. What your clients want to achieve is they want to find the correct direction in life with the right partners by their side because line 2 is hermit energy but it's also partnership. To clarify, what the hermit is partnering with is their creativity, the muse. That's the partnership. You do that in private. “I'm going to go into my creativity room. I'm going to paint. I'm going to write. I'm going to broadcast.” Whatever you're going to do. Whenever someone has gate 2, they're providing the direction to the rest of humanity. All the people with gate 2 or the whole channel of the 214 provide the direction for the rest of us. They’re saying, “Here's where we need to go.”

Human design is amazing.

You're bringing us something from the future. You're bringing us better technology for relationships because gate 2, line 2 is direction and partnership. Numerology is numerology. The numbers are what the numbers are. What I love about this system is it’s clean and precise. Design Earth is your core genius and that's true for everyone. That's a term from Richard Rudd, just to let everyone know where I pulled the term core genius from. That's what the clients want to achieve. They want to achieve a healthy direction in their partnerships with others.

Their secret wish is they can understand the other. They'll settle for having a pleasant interaction, but they want to understand. We've got your ideal client, their secret wish, and what they want to achieve. Your life's work is what they're paying you for. This is true for everyone. This is our personality sun. It's what everybody sees from Western astrology. In this case, the Aquarian. It's gate 19, which is all about how you approach things to get good results. It's way down off the route. It's the fuel to approach a situation in such a way as to get one's needs met.

That sounds simple. This gate, therefore, also is the gate of the healer, the shaman, and the transformation agent because it is in the correct approach to the individual or the group where the alchemy happens and where they open to the healing. It's line 6, so you're teaching people. A line 6 person is teaching new approaches to others. That's what they're paying you for. “How do I approach this situation for a different result? By keep approaching it the way I'm approaching it, that's going to keep blowing up in my face.”

I can't tell you how confirming it is and how happy it makes me the way you're describing it because it's so me. It's so profound that it is so me. It is inspiring.

I'm so glad. Here's the thing. The personality represents the mind and the mind is for other people. Our personality is for the other, so get a good personality, everyone. You and I have good personalities, Leslie, because we know our personalities so people will get close to us so we can share our gifts with them. If you're a jerk all the time, you're not going to win a lot of friends and influence people. Thank you, Dale Carnegie. Your new outcome for the client is personality Earth, which also happens to be the life lesson for you, the possessor of the personality. This is a retreat, line 6. What this is telling me is you, Leslie, need to honor the retreats in your life because that's where you integrate and to not put pressure on yourself to always be performing.

That's a major lesson to learn starting with when I found that I was a projector. A couple of times, I went close to major burnout because I thought I had to keep performing and doing, and I couldn't sustain it. I’m much better off not doing that.

The other thing about line 6 is it's a profound connection to nature. I've never met a person with a 6 in their profile that didn't have some attraction to the outdoors. They can’t help themselves. Sailing, snowboarding, bird watching, walking, jogging, or whatever it is. You want to be outside. Your retreat is great in nature. The new outcome your clients want is, in many ways, to be able to take a break and know that everything's going to be okay. They need a vacation after they work with you.

Also, part of that is I encourage people to go much slower than they think they need to as we're working. Ironically, that gets in there much faster.

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: You're not blaming, attacking, pointing fingers, but you're truthfully saying, look, when you did that, I felt this.

In a sense, that's the thing with 33 is it's about building in retreat to all aspects of our life. For example, during your day, when do you take breaks? During the week, when do you take breaks? During the month, when do you take breaks? How many vacations in the year? When do you take a break from a difficult situation? When do you take a break to celebrate what you've achieved? To review this, to wrap up, your ideal client wants a system to solve the inner mystery. That's what they're wanting.

Their secret wish is the gate across from what they want, which is, “Please, for the love of God, rationalize and justify this craziness to me because I don't understand this. Nothing's working.” Their secret wish is they get to the real practical root of what the hell is going on. What they want to achieve is a new direction and more fulfillment in their relationships. It's gate 2, line 2. Your core genius is relating. It’s emotions. It's all about the love of one's direction in life because all the gates of the G Center are some forms of love. The G Center withholds us together. Essentially, all objects, living and inanimate, are held together by love. You have 6 of the love gates out of 8.

Is that why I'm so emotional and I cry so easily?

Of course. The thing is, with all that love in you plus a good sense of self, you're clear about who you are with a defined G Center. It's not like, “Who's Leslie?” You know Leslie. Leslie is solid in Leslie. You're calm and solidity inside yourself gives people a lot of support. What you've got is you've got the entire leadership channel here, which is leading the army and creating a movement. People ask you to lead. The 13-33, which of is the ultimate life purpose channel. The 13 knows where someone belongs, what seat they belong in, as the saying goes at work. The 33 is being able to pull from the past, pull from examples because you took time to take stock. The new outcome for these people is they're going to go slower. They're going to pause before they open their mouths. They're going to think before they shoot from the hip. That's their new outcome. They are more thoughtful and are more patient in their communication.

What they need to know is that gap between the impulse and the waiting, that time period can be a microsecond, weeks, or years. You don't know what length that is. It can be a microsecond. It's not like you're stuffing and pressing yourself. That was absolutely amazing. I appreciate that you did that.

It was my pleasure. Will you tell everyone where they can go get more Leslie Austin and join your community?

I would love people to join my Facebook group. It's Dr. Leslie Austin on Facebook or you can find me on my website, LeslieAustin.com, but Facebook will be fun too.

Thank you, Leslie Austin. I can't wait to have you back on. I love talking with you. I'm so fascinated by what you know and what you do. I hope people reading reach out to you. If you work corporate and you've got difficult people, reach out to Leslie. Even if you don't work corporate, particularly, if you are a leader in a corporate situation or elite groups and you're dealing with difficult situations emotionally, please reach out to Dr. Austin.

I do introductory discovery calls with people to connect with them, too, so please do reach out to me. Thank you, Baeth. It's always a great pleasure. Bless you.

Bless you, too. I'll talk to you soon.

Bye-bye.

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About Leslie Austin

AYD 14 | Emotional MasteryDr. Leslie Austin is the founder of Austin Consulting, a consultancy that shows leaders how to make values-based high-road decisions.

Leslie’s work spans many industries such as finance, publishing, manufacturing, fashion, public relations, and pharmaceuticals.

In addition, she has worked with global corporations, Fortune 100 companies, solo entrepreneurs, every size organization in between and individual private clients. Her expertise transcends industry boundaries: she is an expert in helping leaders and organizations be the best they can be… always.

Although some of Leslie’s clients prefer to keep their work together confidential, the clients she can name include executives from organizations such as The American Society for Training and Development, Chanel USA, Chart Industries, Conde Nast Publications, Coopers & Lybrand, Datamax-O’Neill, DeutscheBank, GFI Group, G.S. Schwartz & Co., The Haas Associates (International Executive Search), HDS Labs/ DDF Cosmetics, Hill Phoenix, Metropolitan Life, Morgan Stanley, Morgan Stanley Japan, Organizational Resources Consulting, Padilla CRT, Sandals Caribbean Resorts, and Zyloware.