AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery

Dealing with difficult people is not something most of us enjoy. Difficult people can have a way of imposing difficult emotions and drama in our lives. However, if you have emotional mastery, you can push past these feelings and deal with these individuals successfully. Join Baeth Davis as she sits down for a heartfelt conversation with public speaker, coach and psychotherapist, Dr. Leslie Austin. Dr. Austin shares her insights on how to deal with difficult people and how to master your emotions. She teaches the secrets of communicating with difficult people and the best way to act to create more harmony. Baeth also does a human design reading for Dr. Austin, who is a Projector, and talks about the results.

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Emotional Mastery For Difficult People And Difficult Emotions With Projector Leslie Austin

You are attending the Align to Your Design podcast, where I interview people who I deem aligned to their design, who are doing cool, unusual innovative things in the world with their purpose. How our show is formatted is you meet these incredible guests and we have a cool conversation about their work, and then we look at their chart. I ask every guest before the show what they want to look at in their chart. That’s what we do at the end of the show, so you can start to get a taste of human design. If you want to join our community, go to YourPurpose.com/community. You can join the Facebook group. We do trainings in there almost every week unless I’m on vacation or I need a break. If you go into the video section of that group, you can find all the previous recorded trainings. Every couple of months, I do a free multi-day training, which is popular, called the Life Purpose Lab. We have another one coming up, so be sure to go over to YourPurpose.com/community. You can look in the events section as well and see what’s going on.

I’m excited about our topic. It’s a topic I love. It’s a topic that no human can escape. Our topic is emotional mastery for difficult emotions and difficult people because don’t we know some difficult people? Yes. Why are they difficult? They don’t know how to manage their difficult emotions and you may not know how to manage their difficult emotions, which cause you difficult emotions. Are we confused yet? Yeah. It’s a morass of emotional mess that occurs when we do not take personal responsibility, which is something I’m big on. Emotional mastery happens to be one of my life goals for life.

Our guest is the amazing Leslie Austin. She is a PhD, an executive coach, and a psychotherapist with extensive experience helping people resolve seemingly impossible challenges, dealing with difficult people, relationships, emotions, and situations. Usually, her clients have already done significant work on their issues but still feel stuck, unhappy, and unsatisfied. When they work with Leslie, they need to be ready to get results quickly. Leslie’s known for a gentle but deeply penetrating way of working with people, which I can attest to. It untangles even the deepest traumas along with her magnificent sense of humor to lighten things up along the way.

Based on over 25 years of experience as a special area of focus, Leslie has created an unusually effective way of understanding and dealing with the toxic influence of excessively narcissistic people in our lives. I read that since the ‘70s, according to Psychology Today, narcissism has increased by 40%. I wonder why. Maybe social media or maybe a lot of things. Nevertheless, you may find you’re having to deal with even more difficult people. With that, let’s bring on our amazing guest, Leslie Austin, and dive into this conversation about emotional mastery because it is important to your wellbeing in life. Welcome to the show. Leslie Austin, it’s great to be with you.

Thank you.

You work with these clients on how to deal better with these difficult people, as well as difficult emotions and situations. What sets your work apart? What makes your work different from how other coaches, counselors, and therapists deal with these difficult, thorny, emotional situations?

There are two main tenets that are different about the way I work and the first one is mindset. I’m not a fan of the idea of healing or surviving difficult situations or problems. People say, “I proudly say I’m a survivor.” To me, that means you’ve gotten through a difficult situation but you’re still identifying with the victimhood.

Is that why I don’t like that word?

Maybe. I don’t know. That’s why I don’t like it. I’m a little bit touchy about healing also because identifying with them, “I’m always healing,” implies in the nuance of the wording that there’s something wrong. There’s something defective or there’s some illness underneath. My whole mindset is thriving using all of your resources to be the best you can be and to find a profound acceptance of who you are. Good and bad, neat and messy, whoever you are, whatever you are, you are perfect the way you are. If you can get peaceful with yourself, then we get to the second tenet, which is, we make all actions based on emotions but does not compel us to act.

If your emotions are engaged behind the thought, then you take an action. Human beings are often messy and we have intense emotions. We think if somebody is giving us a hard time, they have to change. Sorry, you can’t change anybody else but you have total control over how you choose to act from your emotions. If you can’t control your emotions, once you notice you’re angry, it’s too late, you’re already angry. You can’t say, “I’m not going to be angry.” It’s not going to work. You’re already angry, but you have total choice over how to act from that. What do you want to do? What’s the actual effect that you want from your anger? What is your anger telling you?

You can’t change anybody else, but you have total control over how you choose to act from your emotions.

It’s important information. It doesn’t matter what the emotion is. You get so angry you want to kill somebody and some people feel that. What is it telling you? What’s wrong that you want to fix? Is there a better way to fix it than committing a crime or harming someone? You need to be truthful with what your emotions are telling you, and then choose how to deal with that and how to find a way to get a better outcome. That’s a different mindset than when I was trained as a psychotherapist, especially when it comes to narcissism.

What was the difference? Tell us a bit about the training.

In classical psychotherapy, I was trained as a gestalt therapist. I also studied union and core energetics in a couple of other schools because I’m a constant studier, hungry to know lots of things, and then blend them all into what works for each individual person. I have no shame about pulling from any system. If it works, that’s fine with me. The thing about narcissism in classical psychotherapeutic thinking is you can’t treat it. It’s persistent and they’re stuck. All you can do is manage it or get rid of them in your life. That’s true for people who are on the extreme spectrum of narcissism. You can’t negotiate with them. When you recognize the signs, you do need to get them out of your life unless you are happy suffering being with them. You have to know how to get them out of your life so that they don’t keep targeting you. You have to know how to do that safely. That’s something I’ve done over and over in corporate situations with executives who have abusive bosses. Sometimes, with the abusive boss.

Get them to wake up and become a better person, and then they win bigger and they’re happier. That’s a good outcome for everyone, in situations where women are abused or in difficult relationships and one time with a man who had an abusive wife. It’s overwhelmingly women that are abused by men, but not always. What I have seen is if my client is willing to do the work, it’s not easy, it goes deep, and it’s intense. If you do the work with me and you’re up for it, you will change. The responses or reactions you get from the other person absolutely will change and they’ll get better the more you master yourself.

You need to learn and understand what I call the game plays. It’s like basketball has certain plays and moves in the game. Narcissists have a certain emotional gameplan. I can predict the script and behaviors. I understand behavior and I can tell you what the moves will be. There’s a map. What seems chaotic and crazy to you, if you understand their emotional logic, there is a system. If you understand that system and you learn how to navigate it, you can change the relationship. In some cases, it becomes easy to live with that person if you love them and you make it work. They’re not going to change completely, but you can make it livable.

In some cases, you’ll see that they’re not open to change and it’s hurting you too much, and then you do need to get out unless you’re willing to live that way. Unfortunately, a couple of women I’ve known have been too scared and too brainwashed by their partner to know that it was hurting them enough to get out. Some do. I have gotten several people out of those situations. As they say in corporations too, I have changed the whole dynamic of a team by working with the narcissistic boss and teaching him or in 1 or 2 cases, her. It’s overwhelmingly male but not entirely, teaching him or her how to win smarter, which means not hurting other people.

Women can be narcissistic. In my experience, they go quite far in life. My experience is narcissism is rewarded in our culture.

I might add to the real detriment of the inner lies and the emotional lives of all of those male executives who are the star performers, the top CEOs, and all these big winners that we admire so much, they often have a poor self-image, believe it or not. The secret is they’re scared. Anybody who is that much of a bully or that much of a control freak, I’m not going to go into the history of why and how but this is true. Inside, they’re a little boy or a little girl and they are terrified that the world is chaotic and that they can’t control everything. They overcompensate by trying to control every little thing. Including if you’re on the phone with them, they won’t let you have the last word. They’ll say, “Uh-huh,” or something and hang up. They won’t let you say, “Okay bye,” and hang up. If they do, you’ll get an email, text, or phone call. They have to have the winning end. You have to be careful. There are all kinds of little subtle tests that I have devised to check how far along the narcissism spectrum and get to know them.

Let’s talk about that because I know our readers are fascinated by this. One of them has to have the last word and if you take that from them, you’re going to get some follow-up communication. What are some other red flags that you could be dealing with a highly self-centered individual?

One of two things will happen, usually both right with quick order. They will look at me or talk to me and I will feel like I’m the most special person in the world. Their focus is on me. They’re this charismatic, charming, and interesting person. They’re connected to me and it feels wonderful, and then I start to feel bad like I’m not good enough. Whatever I can do is never going to be enough. With almost every single senior executive that I’ve worked with who had this kind of behavior pattern, in the first session, I am always positive. I believe this. “This is the guy that’s going to take me down. This is the guy that’s going to show me I’m a fraud. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not going to be able to help him. I’m going to look terrible.” I know now that is concrete evidence that I’m in the right place, I’m with the right client, I know what I’m doing, and I’m seeing the beginning signs of what I need to work with.

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: We make all actions based on emotions but it does not compel us to act. If your emotions are engaged behind the thought, then you take an action.

Because you can feel that, you can feel both their magnetism and charisma, which has propelled them so far through life, and yet, your body’s own feedback system is saying, “Danger. Alert. This person could cause you a lot of trouble.”

The first thing I teach people who are trying to learn how to deal with these difficult people is, “It’s not about you.” This is a hard concept to get but once you get this one, the others become a little easier. Neither the charismatic attention or the diminishing has anything to do with you as an individual person. It’s their stuff. You could be anybody that they’re connecting to. The reason for that is part of the dysfunction of someone with that extreme pattern of personality is they cannot empathize with anybody outside of themselves. They can’t authentically connect and they only relate to people in their world and circumstances in relation to themselves. “Is this helping me? Is this hurting me? Is this person supporting and aligned with me? Are they my enemy?” It’s black and white, angel or devil. It will depend on your last contact with them.

If you said something that was supportive, then you’re good and they’ll be nice to you. If you’ve questioned something they said, you might be a bad guy. None of that is about you because they’re not relating to you one-on-one intimately. They’re stuck in their own world. They’re stuck in their own thing and they’re playing it out on you. If you’re able to get that little bit of distance and that inner security and strength to start observing and watching the pattern of what’s happening, you can go far to shifting the relationship or knowing how to get out without hurting yourself. You don’t want to hurt the other person. Don’t forget that. Revenge is not sweet here.

I had a long-term friendship and there were things going sideways in that relationship. I don’t think I communicated well but I did challenge this individual. That was the last time we ever spoke. I realized I hadn’t ever challenged her in that way before, where I flat out said, “I don’t think what you’re doing is healthy or correct.” It’s hurting other people and me.

There are two elements in what you’re saying that would have had her drop you off or least, get rid of you. Number one, she would have been surprised at what you were saying.

I don’t think she thought that at all. She thought she was just doing the right thing.

People with strong narcissistic patterns hate surprises because they immediately feel inadequate and that somebody is going to get them. It’s a survival thing. “I’m under attack. I didn’t know that.” It’s a fear thing. Surprises are not good to spring on them. Secondly, you had the audacity to express an opinion. You expressed an opinion that was truthful and authentic for you to express, but it wasn’t what they wanted to hear. Therefore, you were wrong and bad because their version of themselves didn’t suit what you were saying.

They have to keep that image intact and I’m a threat to the image because I’m challenging their self-image.

Off with your head, you’re gone.

We had a mutual circle and she told everyone, “I will never speak to her again.” I was like, “That’s telling after 25 years of friendship.” She was always dishing it out to me and I was like, “Fine. I can take it.”

Narcissists can’t authentically connect and they only relate to people in their world and circumstances in relation to themselves.

It’s one way.

I wish I had spoken to her sooner, but I’ve replayed it in my mind and I’m like, “It wouldn’t have mattered how I said it when I said it.” It might have if I’d met you because I love this person. That’s what’s so interesting. I still love her and care about her. She’s not a bad person. She’s a good person, but there’s this defended part of her. I don’t even want to label her a narcissist. I’m not a clinician. There’s a protected part in this person emotionally. The way they’re acting, this difficultness that they’re creating for others is coming from control. Do I have that right?

Yes, absolutely. Two things. I’m trying to be careful not to call them narcissists. That’s putting them in a box, but with narcissistic behaviors or patterns. They’re whole people who behave in a certain way that’s dysfunctional. They’re not a diagnosis to me. I’m not a big fan of the DSM. The second thing is I can’t go into the whole system, but had you known at the time, here’s how you could have tried to speak to her to see if you could get through. You could have gone to her and said, “I’d love to share some things that I’m thinking and feeling and I’d love your take on them.” There’s a structure for how you have to speak. There are sentences you have to memorize.

People object at first and they say, “I’m manipulating.” “Why do I have to do that?” The answer is because they’re speaking Greek and you’re speaking French. If you want to talk to them, you have to learn Greek. You have to learn narcissistic emotional structure if you want to get through their emotional language. “I want to tell you some things. Some things are bothering me. I’d like to talk them out with you and I’d love to hear your take. Would you be willing to hear me out?” You’re taking it away from, “You did this. I did this.”

If it gets into what happened and how hurt you felt, you can’t say, “You did this to me.” What you need to say is, “When you did that, I felt this.” You’re putting the responsibility for their reaction where it belongs on you, but you’re highlighting that she did something that she didn’t know affected you that way. You’re not blaming, attacking, or pointing fingers, but you’re truthfully saying, “When you did that, I felt this, and I was upset,” which is totally different than saying, “When you did that, you made me feel this.” It didn’t make you feel it. You felt it.

There’s a huge difference. I try to do that in all my communication now. I say to people, “When this happened, I felt.” I even will clarify sometimes and say, “You’re in no way responsible for what I’m feeling. I’m responsible for what I’m feeling. I’m noticing what I’m feeling, so I want to communicate with you.” We can then get to a good feeling.

This is not just true for narcissism. This is true for all of our emotions. All of our emotions are important information. We need to listen to them and find out what it is our emotions are telling us that needs fixing or adjusting or being made better or change. Call upon all our good inner resources. What’s a better way to go about getting that? If you’re not sure but you feel compelled to act, make a small action. If it’s one that has negative consequences, the consequences are small because the action was small. You can reconnoiter, be resilient, and move.

This is an emotional strategy. I teach people emotional strategy. The fun thing is after a while, when you start to get in the groove of it, it becomes instinctive. My happiest thing is when I’m working with someone. Commonly, I’ll work with an executive client for four months. It’s a short period of time, intense work, and changes happen. What I always tell them in the first session, and this is true with individual clients, too, “I hope you don’t have a lot of big a-ha’s because I don’t trust them. They don’t last. I hope that you enjoy talking with me and you think not a lot is going on from week to week. Two or three months from now, I’m going to point out to you that you are reacting instinctively quite differently than you were and you’re managing through sticky situations so much better.”

How did that happen? It was seamless and it’s become part of your instinctive reaction, so you don’t have to think about it. What we’re doing is retraining your neurology to help you behave differently, so you get different responses. It’s organic. I love it when people say, “I’m having a great time. What are we doing?” I point out, “You told me how you dealt with that situation. What would you have done three months ago?” They’re like, “I get it.” The ironic thing is ideally down the road, I make myself obsolete, which is exciting and sad at the same time because I usually end up liking my clients.

They send you referrals I’m sure. What are some of the outcomes that your clients experience? Follow that question with, how do their lives change after doing their work with you?

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: People with strong narcissistic patterns hate surprises because they immediately feel inadequate and that somebody is going to get them. It’s a survival thing.

The outcomes that they experienced are usually clear and specific. They gain clarity and mastery over their own inner lives. They realize that they have a choice and they can pilot and navigate themselves in their lives with much more wisdom and foresight, and being more authentic and true to themselves than they ever thought. You can change many more emotions that you think you can’t. The key is letting them be. Not trying to change them when you’re first aware of them, but going into them, tracking them, unpacking them, getting the information out, and then choosing your strategy plan for what you want to do with them.

It sounds complicated but over time, it becomes instinctive and you just do it. We’re all human beings and we’re all messes. I’ve been doing this for years and I absolutely have moments when I’m in a big fail. I get mad and pop off like everybody else does. You can’t expect something unreasonable but you can expect so much better, happier, thriving, resilient, more confident, more secure that you can handle difficult situations, and to know when you can’t. Have that boundary when enough is enough, which we’re not talking about culture.

Our culture is odd. It’s be happy all the time and more. You don’t have enough but we need more.

Our culture is left brained, five senses ordinary world. To me, it lacks an emphasis on the soul, spirit, higher being, and the place of art and creativity comes from.

Nuance and subtlety.

All the things that have meaning that aren’t tangible and earning money.

It’s primitive.

It’s lopsided.

It used to be food and now it’s money. You transferred the scarcity fear. For many years, people called you The Lion-Tamer. Where did that name come from? How did you use that as your brand? Follow up with, what has your brand evolved into? For many years, you were The Lion-Tamer.

I was working with a coach and entrepreneur many years ago. He’s a well-known, irascible guy. I was at one of his workshops. This is quite a long time ago. We were talking about forming your brand. At that time, I was doing majorly executive coaching with CEOs, senior executives, senior managers, and teams of executives in many industries. I said to him, “When I start working with these guys, I simply feel like I’m a lion-tamer because this team I’m working within the derivatives area for a global bank are all at each other’s throats. They’re competing with each other to be a bigger, better king instead of looking that the department is a mess, it’s not functioning, and why aren’t they fixing it.” He said, “That’s your brand. You’re the lion-tamer.” Everybody in the room went, “That’s great,” so I started using it.

You can change many more emotions that you think you can’t. The key is to let them be, not to try to change them.

The reason it worked for so many years is when I say my clients affectionately call me the lion-tamer, people know instinctively without me explaining what I do. By the way, it’s all positive reinforcement. It’s not the lion-tamer with the whip and the gun. It’s the positive one. I used to use a little logo of a lion and a top hat with a cane like he was dancing and smiling. That was the lion-tamer image. You have to support people and not make them feel bad or criticize them because then, you’re re-traumatizing them. It’s entirely possible to deal with people’s profound traumas and have them go through them, release them, clear them out, and let them go without re-traumatizing yourself in the process. There’s a lot of work going on trauma these days because so many people have dramatic experiences of many kinds. Many of the methods that I see don’t want to take the person into the place and you don’t have to take them into that traumatized place in order to clear it.

I was thinking about that friendship that went sideways and I take responsibility for possibly re-traumatizing her in my upset, not knowing.

You have to be careful taking too much responsibility.

I don’t know that I did, but the reaction is the feedback. The feedback is the feedback.

The reaction there is evidence that she was a closed-loop and nothing you could have done would have gotten through anyway. You might have had a small chance of something, but you’d have to know how to negotiate that structure. It can sometimes be challenging.

People have complicated structures. What has your brand evolved into? Are you still The Lion-Tamer?

To some clients, I’m The Lion-Tamer but now, I’m talking about emotional mastery because it’s a broader umbrella and the lion-taming comes under that. I’ve dealt with so many different clients and so many different issues and domains over the years that Lion-Tamer has become too narrow for me. I love it but it’s a part of what I do and the big umbrella is emotional mastery.

It reminds me of, in the Rider-Waite tarot deck, there’s the strength card, the number nine card where the goddess is holding the mouth open of the lion. I have a version of that. It’s a tapestry that hangs in my bedroom. It’s a little fairy lady sitting on the lion carrying this staff that’s a heart and a sun. She’s the yin and yang and she’s sitting on the line and the lion is happy. To me, that real strength is emotional mastery and the lion represents our primitive, instinctive, wild, hungry, and passionate emotional self. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s knowing how to manage it depending on what environment we find ourselves in.

I happen to have a Leo moon astrologically, so I like the lion imagery. It suits me well.

What is your sun sign?

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: If you are able to just get that little bit of distance and that little bit of inner security and strength to start observing and watching the pattern of what’s happening, you can go very far to shifting the relationship.

I’m an Aquarius. It would help me. There are a bunch of planets in Aquarius. I have a Leo moon opposite. I have Scorpio rising square both of them. Almost everything in my chart is connected. When one aspect hits, the whole chart says, “We’re all active.” It’s quite an experience.

That’s great for what you do. Why don’t we take a look at your human design?

I’ve studied astrology for a couple of years since I was about 16 or 17. The thing about human design which I first was introduced to in 2010 or 2011, I learned things about myself as a projector in human design that I had learned nowhere else and it changed my life to understand that. The more I’ve gotten into understanding my chart and my design more in-depth, the more powerful it is because I do so many different kinds of things in so many different modes. This is not ego, but anybody who comes up to me with an issue, I’ll know how to work with them to solve it. It’s hard for me to know how to describe myself to people in a cohesive, clear way. My human design tells me how to talk about that. It’s so powerful. It’s amazing.

It’s good stuff. I’m going to get your chart. Let’s go to the body graph. To our audience, as you know and if you’re new to the show, you don’t necessarily know this. Before every interview, I ask our guests what in their human design they want to focus on so that we can focus on something and make it as succinct as possible. Leslie sent in her request to take a look at the human design from the perspective of creating an elevator pitch. I’m going to give a little explanation of what I mean, and then we’re going to look at it numerically because human design ultimately is math.

Many of you are familiar with the idea of hopping on an elevator. Maybe you’re at a conference and someone sees your name tag and realizes you’re at the same conference, so what do you do? Hopefully, you tell them something about what you can do for them or someone they know. That’s the hope. What most people do in their elevator pitch is they stumble over their words or they list a litany of things they can do, “I’m a speaker and a writer. I care.” Great, but what do you do? How do you help people?

People are lost. This is something I feel like people ought to be able to learn in college or in high school even how to present yourself. When we look at a human design chart, we’re going to look at five celestial locations in your chart, Leslie, that help spell out the elevator pitch, and then we’ll put it all together. All of you following along at home, you can circle these positions. You likely will have different numbers in these positions. The positions are important. I’m not going to do a whole preamble about human design, so we’re just going to dive right in. The first thing we’re going to look at is we’re going to look at the design Jupiter and the fancy number four symbol is Jupiter. Leslie’s is in gate 61, which is up off the head or the crown and it’s in line 6. We’re not going to worry about this line, the color. This particular chart goes deep into the gates.

Let me back up. The design Jupiter represents your business structure, business themes, business alliances, as well as ideal clients. In other words, it’s the people in the realm. The way Jupiter expands is through leveraging the efforts of other people. The design side is the physical body and the personality side is the mind. Your body is for you and your mind is for other people. It’s good to keep that in mind. Your mind is for the other. Your body instinctively knows how to do its thing. For you, Leslie, to build your realm, in this case, let’s talk about clients because that’s what we want to attract with our elevator pitch. Your ideal client is searching for the mystery. They are interested in deep thoughts.

Gate 61 is the deepest of thoughts and line 6 is a system for accessing that mystery. In this case, the mystery of, how do I deal with these difficult people? I shared a little example, but there’s a litany of tragic communications from my life. I’m sure I’m not the only one, where I didn’t know the system for communicating well or I did know it but my emotions overrode it or whatever the situation was. Your ideal client is someone who wants your unique proprietary system applied to them so that they can break through something that has been mysterious to them. They’re mystified by what’s happening. You can use that language. You’re completely mystified, baffled, unable to understand how this is a problem and why you can’t solve it on your own. That’s your ideal client.

In terms of who you associate with, your business affiliates, business partners, employees, and your team, still all Jupiter, you need people who see the big picture, understand you’re building a system, are also interested in the inner mystery, and are deeply spiritual themselves. The secret wish of every single person’s ideal client is whatever is across from the design Jupiter gate. In this case, what’s across from 61 is gate 24. This is interesting. You don’t have gate 24. You might have it but you don’t have it in your design. I have gate 24. You’re attracting people who have gate 24. Gate 24, on the shadow side, is reliving things to the point of obsession and then rationalizing stuff you ought not to rationalize. Don’t rationalize that bad behavior.

The upside of it is being able to rationalize most situations to find the silver lining, so it’s a fine edge. Their secret wish is that they want to find out that it’s not their fault, whoever they are, the person who’s in the hot seat because they were recommended for their bad behavior, or the person who is being assaulted by this bad behavior or at least troubled by it. They are rationalizing that they don’t mean it and they only get this way on Tuesdays or whatever. They’re rationalizing the behavior. Their secret wish is that they could find a justification for what is happening, which you provide.

For all of you reading this, whatever is in your design Jupiter, I want you to look at what’s across the way. The gates that create a channel. For example, 35 goes to 36. You don’t have this channel. If a person had gate 35 as their design Jupiter, they’re going to pull in people who have the 36 and it creates the whole channel. The thing about these opposite ends of the channel, also known as, the gates are opposite energies. Gate 61 wants to go deep into the heart of the matter and 24 wants to get to the rationalization. “Let’s get to the explanation. Let’s justify this thing.” That’s what your secret wish is. It’s whatever is across from the structure you’re here to build in design Jupiter.

You have to really support people and not make them feel bad or criticize them because then you’re retraumatizing them.

What they want to achieve is your core genius, it’s design Earth. What they want to achieve is gate 2, line 2. This is huge. What your clients want to achieve is they want to find the correct direction in life with the right partners by their side because line 2 is hermit energy but it’s also partnership. To clarify, what the hermit is partnering with is their creativity, the muse. That’s the partnership. You do that in private. “I’m going to go into my creativity room. I’m going to paint. I’m going to write. I’m going to broadcast.” Whatever you’re going to do. Whenever someone has gate 2, they’re providing the direction to the rest of humanity. All the people with gate 2 or the whole channel of the 214 provide the direction for the rest of us. They’re saying, “Here’s where we need to go.”

Human design is amazing.

You’re bringing us something from the future. You’re bringing us better technology for relationships because gate 2, line 2 is direction and partnership. Numerology is numerology. The numbers are what the numbers are. What I love about this system is it’s clean and precise. Design Earth is your core genius and that’s true for everyone. That’s a term from Richard Rudd, just to let everyone know where I pulled the term core genius from. That’s what the clients want to achieve. They want to achieve a healthy direction in their partnerships with others.

Their secret wish is they can understand the other. They’ll settle for having a pleasant interaction, but they want to understand. We’ve got your ideal client, their secret wish, and what they want to achieve. Your life’s work is what they’re paying you for. This is true for everyone. This is our personality sun. It’s what everybody sees from Western astrology. In this case, the Aquarian. It’s gate 19, which is all about how you approach things to get good results. It’s way down off the route. It’s the fuel to approach a situation in such a way as to get one’s needs met.

That sounds simple. This gate, therefore, also is the gate of the healer, the shaman, and the transformation agent because it is in the correct approach to the individual or the group where the alchemy happens and where they open to the healing. It’s line 6, so you’re teaching people. A line 6 person is teaching new approaches to others. That’s what they’re paying you for. “How do I approach this situation for a different result? By keep approaching it the way I’m approaching it, that’s going to keep blowing up in my face.”

I can’t tell you how confirming it is and how happy it makes me the way you’re describing it because it’s so me. It’s so profound that it is so me. It is inspiring.

I’m so glad. Here’s the thing. The personality represents the mind and the mind is for other people. Our personality is for the other, so get a good personality, everyone. You and I have good personalities, Leslie, because we know our personalities so people will get close to us so we can share our gifts with them. If you’re a jerk all the time, you’re not going to win a lot of friends and influence people. Thank you, Dale Carnegie. Your new outcome for the client is personality Earth, which also happens to be the life lesson for you, the possessor of the personality. This is a retreat, line 6. What this is telling me is you, Leslie, need to honor the retreats in your life because that’s where you integrate and to not put pressure on yourself to always be performing.

That’s a major lesson to learn starting with when I found that I was a projector. A couple of times, I went close to major burnout because I thought I had to keep performing and doing, and I couldn’t sustain it. I’m much better off not doing that.

The other thing about line 6 is it’s a profound connection to nature. I’ve never met a person with a 6 in their profile that didn’t have some attraction to the outdoors. They can’t help themselves. Sailing, snowboarding, bird watching, walking, jogging, or whatever it is. You want to be outside. Your retreat is great in nature. The new outcome your clients want is, in many ways, to be able to take a break and know that everything’s going to be okay. They need a vacation after they work with you.

Also, part of that is I encourage people to go much slower than they think they need to as we’re working. Ironically, that gets in there much faster.

AYD 14 | Emotional Mastery
Emotional Mastery: You’re not blaming, attacking, pointing fingers, but you’re truthfully saying, look, when you did that, I felt this.

In a sense, that’s the thing with 33 is it’s about building in retreat to all aspects of our life. For example, during your day, when do you take breaks? During the week, when do you take breaks? During the month, when do you take breaks? How many vacations in the year? When do you take a break from a difficult situation? When do you take a break to celebrate what you’ve achieved? To review this, to wrap up, your ideal client wants a system to solve the inner mystery. That’s what they’re wanting.

Their secret wish is the gate across from what they want, which is, “Please, for the love of God, rationalize and justify this craziness to me because I don’t understand this. Nothing’s working.” Their secret wish is they get to the real practical root of what the hell is going on. What they want to achieve is a new direction and more fulfillment in their relationships. It’s gate 2, line 2. Your core genius is relating. It’s emotions. It’s all about the love of one’s direction in life because all the gates of the G Center are some forms of love. The G Center withholds us together. Essentially, all objects, living and inanimate, are held together by love. You have 6 of the love gates out of 8.

Is that why I’m so emotional and I cry so easily?

Of course. The thing is, with all that love in you plus a good sense of self, you’re clear about who you are with a defined G Center. It’s not like, “Who’s Leslie?” You know Leslie. Leslie is solid in Leslie. You’re calm and solidity inside yourself gives people a lot of support. What you’ve got is you’ve got the entire leadership channel here, which is leading the army and creating a movement. People ask you to lead. The 13-33, which of is the ultimate life purpose channel. The 13 knows where someone belongs, what seat they belong in, as the saying goes at work. The 33 is being able to pull from the past, pull from examples because you took time to take stock. The new outcome for these people is they’re going to go slower. They’re going to pause before they open their mouths. They’re going to think before they shoot from the hip. That’s their new outcome. They are more thoughtful and are more patient in their communication.

What they need to know is that gap between the impulse and the waiting, that time period can be a microsecond, weeks, or years. You don’t know what length that is. It can be a microsecond. It’s not like you’re stuffing and pressing yourself. That was absolutely amazing. I appreciate that you did that.

It was my pleasure. Will you tell everyone where they can go get more Leslie Austin and join your community?

I would love people to join my Facebook group. It’s Dr. Leslie Austin on Facebook or you can find me on my website, LeslieAustin.com, but Facebook will be fun too.

Thank you, Leslie Austin. I can’t wait to have you back on. I love talking with you. I’m so fascinated by what you know and what you do. I hope people reading reach out to you. If you work corporate and you’ve got difficult people, reach out to Leslie. Even if you don’t work corporate, particularly, if you are a leader in a corporate situation or elite groups and you’re dealing with difficult situations emotionally, please reach out to Dr. Austin.

I do introductory discovery calls with people to connect with them, too, so please do reach out to me. Thank you, Baeth. It’s always a great pleasure. Bless you.

Bless you, too. I’ll talk to you soon.


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About Leslie Austin

AYD 14 | Emotional MasteryDr. Leslie Austin is the founder of Austin Consulting, a consultancy that shows leaders how to make values-based high-road decisions.

Leslie’s work spans many industries such as finance, publishing, manufacturing, fashion, public relations, and pharmaceuticals.

In addition, she has worked with global corporations, Fortune 100 companies, solo entrepreneurs, every size organization in between and individual private clients. Her expertise transcends industry boundaries: she is an expert in helping leaders and organizations be the best they can be… always.

Although some of Leslie’s clients prefer to keep their work together confidential, the clients she can name include executives from organizations such as The American Society for Training and Development, Chanel USA, Chart Industries, Conde Nast Publications, Coopers & Lybrand, Datamax-O’Neill, DeutscheBank, GFI Group, G.S. Schwartz & Co., The Haas Associates (International Executive Search), HDS Labs/ DDF Cosmetics, Hill Phoenix, Metropolitan Life, Morgan Stanley, Morgan Stanley Japan, Organizational Resources Consulting, Padilla CRT, Sandals Caribbean Resorts, and Zyloware.